I don't understand why business people do this to themselves. I quit working for large organizations in favor of smaller companies that pay less, because at least there's much less of this. It does get unbearable.
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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me_irl
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Lingo is a powerful social tool. Once you know to look for it, you see it everywhere.
Some lingo is always necessary for jobs to communicate complex ideas quickly. Everyone has terms and phrases used in their profession that are exclusive to it, as well as some that are exclusive to their workplace. People outside of their job don't know the lingo, those inside do. In this way lingo is a double-edged sword: it eases communication, but creates a social barrier between those in the know and everyone else.
In an increasing number of places this isolating side effect has been used by certain groups as the motivation for them to contrive lingo. For a long time this was largely relegated to cults and other fringe groups that wanted to shore up the feeling of togetherness of the people within and keep them away from outsiders.
The big change was when groups found that by constantly changing the lingo they could induce two other effects: the exclusion of outsiders and exerting control over existing insiders. The MBA/business types are a prime example of this. For people in or seeking to be a part of the group knowing the latest buzzwords is a must, and not knowing them or using outdated ones opens them up to being ostracized. People who are "in" must constantly stay up to date, thus staying attentive to the trends of the group. At the same time people with a casual interest or interaction are actively dissuaded by how often unfamiliar words are used by members of the group.
This sort of weaponized use of lingo is much more widespread these days. Once you see it in this case you can find it in just about every flavor of modern political group and online forum. If you find a group that seems to always be changing its buzzwords, buyer beware.
I couldn't understand what you were saying, you didn't use nearly enough lingo, so I translated it.
"Ah, the almighty power of lingo—like the Swiss Army knife of social circles. Once you're hip to the jargon game, it's like spotting Easter eggs in every convo. At work, lingo's the secret sauce for pushing complex ideas through the pipeline fast. But hey, here’s the kicker: it’s like having a VIP pass—you're either in the club or left standing outside.
Now, here's where it gets spicy. Some folks take that lingo and flip the script—they don’t just use it, they manufacture it like a startup cranking out MVPs. Back in the day, this was mostly culty vibes, fringe-y circles looking to get the 'us vs. them' mojo going. But then boom—the suits came in, turned it into a science, and voilà, welcome to Corporate Speak 2.0.
MBA-types are the real MVPs here. Knowing the latest buzzwords is like holding the golden ticket. If you're still rocking last quarter’s vocab, well, tough luck—you’re getting a one-way ticket to Outsider-ville. Gotta keep your buzzword game on point, always watching the trends, or else risk going full 'legacy system.' Meanwhile, casuals who just want to dip a toe in? They're hitting the eject button as soon as they hear 'synergize' for the tenth time.
But hey, it’s not just the corporate world—we've got weaponized lingo all over the place now. Find a group that keeps updating their lingo like it's firmware? Yeah, you might wanna run a virus scan on that one."
I translated it to c-suite corporate-speak:
Optimizing Lingo as a Transformational, Value-Add Social Leveraging Mechanism
In the current hyper-dynamic, synergistic landscape, lingo is a critical facilitator of cross-functional knowledge transfer, enabling holistic communication frameworks to be embedded within organizational matrices. Once the stakeholder acquires the bandwidth to proactively surface these paradigm-shifting levers, it becomes apparent that this vernacular is omnipresent across multiple channels of engagement and value streams.
Operational lingo, when fully actualized, becomes a game-changer for driving frictionless workflows and delivering on mission-aligned, results-oriented KPIs. Each ecosystem—whether enterprise-level or bespoke—cultivates a differentiated lexicon of granularized actionables and strategic terminology, enhancing the cross-pollination of intellectual capital. However, this also perpetuates segmentation, as those external to core stakeholder groups often lack the strategic alignment or context to operationalize these linguistic frameworks. Thus, lingo operates as a double-edged value driver: enhancing scalability of communication while concurrently constructing barriers to entry for non-value-aligned players.
Recently, we have seen an inflection point where these outcome-driven segmentation tactics have been scaled by emergent thought leaders to build ecosystem-specific, exclusionary lexicons. Historically, this practice was decentralized to fringe, non-synergistic clusters seeking to optimize internal cohesion while leveraging exclusivity as a differentiator. However, we are now experiencing a shift in the value chain dynamics.
Forward-facing market disruptors and blue-chip entities have identified that iterative pivots in proprietary lingo ecosystems can facilitate two core outcomes: exclusion of non-core, low-engagement stakeholders, and the amplification of influence across in-network human capital. The MBA/business sector provides a best-in-class use case for this kind of transformational buzzword orchestration. For key players aiming to optimize their seat at the table and maintain an upward trajectory within the talent pipeline, maintaining fluency in bleeding-edge terminology is table stakes. Failure to operationalize these linguistic shifts exposes individuals to significant delta in personal brand equity, rendering them non-competitive in the talent marketplace. Conversely, those maintaining a pulse on agile trend-spotting ensure they remain mission-critical, driving bottom-line ROI. Meanwhile, non-core participants with limited value contribution are effectively right-sized through continuous deployment of next-gen verbiage.
This transformative use of weaponized lingo is now a best practice across multiple verticals. Once you architect the mental model to map this strategic framework, its scalable applications can be identified across virtually every touchpoint in the socio-political ecosystem, digital community infrastructures, and high-growth market disruptors. If you encounter a team consistently beta-testing and iterating its buzzword bandwidth, consider this a key risk factor for potential high-barrier entry scenarios. Maintain strategic agility.
Now we're in full-on C-suite bingo territory! How’s that for unintelligibility?
The only thing I would disagree on is that lingo is a recent phenomenon. That's just recency bias.
The Catholic Church used Latin at mass from its inception to the mid-20th century, and the oldest Greek versions of the Bible already use some words we simply have never seen anywhere else.
Philosophers have always been a notorious PITA with using existing words or close derivatives of existing words with different meanings, sometimes the lingo is specific to a single author.
And let's not even get into judicial lingo and its very ancient and storied use of disenfranchising the less fortunate who did not speak it and could not afford a lawyer to speak it for them - that is when the court system wasn't in Latin.
Corporate lingo takes more room in our lives as large corporations take up more and more of the economic and political landscape (with some interesting evolutions in form thanks to the influence of Globish). That's it.
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I once got an email from an executive C-level who mentioned adding value at least four times in a single paragraph.
Annoying as hell because the email hardly contained anything of substance.
That would be every e-mail from C-level.
That's the special executive duckspeak.
I've gone from being righteously angry to bored and hopeless hearing the speech of some particularly skilled practitioners.
It's really kind of amazing how this kind of babble can have such an intense emotional impact while textually imparting almost 0 new information.
It's all about the vibes conveyed by the medium. Kind of like how trump talks in a way, come to think of it.
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I cannot tell you how many bosses Ive had/ heard say they are going to have a moment of "radical kindness" and then proceed to just RIP into their employees until they cry.
Corporate double speak is wack.
This sounds quite specific for something you had to experience multiple times. Hope the people are ok and you found something better to work for.
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I'm fucking mad that I hear many of these every day and ENGLISH IS NOT MY FUCKING MOTHERTONGUE YOU FUCKING FUCKS
Ping me
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I'm in full swing of a job search and I painfully relate to this image
No way, this is a great reference chart. All the actionables have been curated into one place.
Agile and synergize aligned itself into this chat.
Makes me wanna logout life
Self-uninstall
Unsafely eject drive
My least favourite was my company motto of "Personal, Simple, Brilliant." It was supposed to be an ethos that ran through the whole company. It was actually just what management expected front line workers to be towards customers, regardless of whether the business leaders were making decisions to screw over the customer and the front line staff or not.
The amount of times I asked for support only to be shot down and laughed at when I told them "Well, that doesn't sound very personal, simple or brilliant to me." when speaking of their management culture.
This shit makes me want to start a cult in the woods so I can live completely isolated from corporate culture bullshit
what are “new verticals”? do i even want to know?
They are opportunities for increasing shareholder value through innovative and disruptive market-leading practices.
🤢🤮
I mean not necessarily, they could just be ways to expand profit centers by increasing pipeline opportunities through net new MQLs
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The best thing I ever did was get out of a job/career in an industry that bought into that cult nonspeak. Anytime i hear that stuff anymore, I think of this Weird Al song.
Description, GIF of a giant pile of tires on fire in a field with lots of black smoke.
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Grit. I worked at a massive tech company that found this one and it was fucking everywhere. I don't mind the basic concept of it, but it was just in every conversation for like 2+ years.
Everything was a "Game changer" about 5 years ago. But at least you have Slack. We have fucking Teams.
Alternative title how you know you need to find another place to work
What’s the worst one on the list and why?
KPI because I'm tired of having a good thing going, an exec strolls in and decides they don't have time to learn about what we're doing, KPIs get spun up, and then we shift from getting things done well to getting things done in a way that games the KPIs so we don't get fired by said exec whose entire job is to glance over a chart once a month as if that gives him real insight into the team
"Touch base" in my opinion. It's the weakest, most common justification for meetings that serve little purpose.
For me, it's not even on the list
"Reach out"
Yous were convinced by a billionaire to use that instead of "contact" or "get in touch" so he could sell more stuff, and also it sounds conceited as fuck; like you're doing someone a favour by contacting them 🤢
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