Ask Lemmy

Gonna take the hit on this one: a Joe Rogan bro. You probably know what I’m talking about, but to be more clear: aggro “alpha male,” gym rat or has a weirdly intense workout routine, takes a bunch of supplements, ready to believe anything pitched as “they don’t want you to know this,” weird diets of meat, “edgy” humor that’s more nodding and agreeing with prejudices than being funny, etc. Oh and listens to Joe Rogan willingly.

Customers hitting on people at their job.

Was eating lunch at a bar one time when three dude bros came in and started hitting on the bartender. They weren't overly aggressive but it was obnoxious.

She handled it really well. She looked each of them in the eye, smiled, introduced herself and shook each of their hands in turn. She stated she was a professional and appreciated being treated like one. She was friendly but firm.

Shut them right the fuck up. They behaved much better after that.

Honestly, not checking in on each other.

There are a lot of stereotypes in this thread, and some I've encountered, some I haven't. But I do know that there is an epidemic of loneliness among men, and it is very real and sometimes deadly.

The need to make everything into a competition or to one-up any story or anecdote.

Making fun of people for admitting they don't know things.

https://xkcd.com/1053/

Bragging about sexual conquests.

If I wanted to know about your sex life I’d ask for your Only Fans.

Guy at work always starts saying sexist shit when no other women are around, maybe wanting to built camaraderie or something? Toxic masculinity is a myth. Women all want the bad boys. No thanks we can avoid the 1:1 convos from now on.

Not a guy, but the one that really gets me is willfully incompetence - particularly around household or family chores (and the mental load associated with them).

Needing to be not just right but the most right person in the room about everything

This is a pattern I've seen repeatedly.

Guys find themselves desperate to get laid, and that desperation comes across in all of their interactions with women, who don't like feeling that they're being treated like a vending machine, which leads to the guy being rejected for reasons that he doesn't entirely understand.

He gets in a relationship with someone, finally, and everything is great for a while. Then he realizes that women are talking and flirting with him more than they ever have before, and isn't sure why, but he enjoys it. He doesn't understand that, because he is in a relationship, he has stopped being desperate and weird, and is now actually having real conversations with women about mutually interesting topics.

Surrounded by women that are (seemingly) available, he either breaks up with his SO, asks for some sort of open arrangement, or tries to cheat. Unfortunately, for reasons that he still doesn't understand, as soon as he's available for sex, women start being turned off by him again (if not to quite the degree they were before) and, again, he finds it difficult to get laid.

From here, guys often fall into some incel-style evolutionary psychology explanation for things, regularly cheat on everyone that they're with, or gradually becomes aware of the pattern.

If they become aware of the pattern, they can begin to manage it and reduce the desperate, salesman vibe that they give off. As they become more confident and relaxed, it becomes clear to women that they're perfectly comfortable going home alone or just being friends, which allows them to have more meaningful relationships and, incidentally, more sex with people they like.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk on the origin and mating behavior of the involuntarily celibate.

I have a coworker who is walking checklist of toxic traits and red flags. Here are the highlights:

• only helps attractive younger women or men who can do favors for him
• sticks his nose into situations that he has no business with
• tends to work on high visibility projects while ignoring his actual job
• has a BT speaker that requires wheels and extended handle and plays his shitty music loudly
• honestly thinks he's all that and a bag of chips

An egocentric attitude, like they're the main character. Super fucking annoying.

guys at work comlaining about their divorce to anyone entering an enclosed room. four different times when i was forced to work in an office and twice so far in slack. mother fucker i dont known you but i already get why she left. stop trying to force random people to be your therapist.

Constantly questioning other men's sexuality.

Bro its 2024, MIND YOUR DAMN BUISNESS.

Being afraid to ask for help, and general pride issues.

My uncle who asks which peloton instructors I like informing me that he only picks the hot ones.

Like, you’ve been married to a woman for 30 years. I get it, you’re straight.

Not understanding boundaries and not having/setting them and respecting others'.

You don't owe shit to anyone and if they make you feel bad, they are often manipulating you. What you choose to do needs to be a hard yes from yourself otherwise its going through motions and can often be inauthentic which is inherently harmful to your sense and integrity of Self

People naturally test these limits and breach them all the time so it happens but you must train yourself to assert your will for yourself and how you respond to trespasses by setting those limits and then strongly upholding them when it comes time to address the opposing force, definitely for those who continue despite knowing the rules of the game you've set for yourself

That the most manly thing you can do is be intimidating. Big muscles, big car, loud car or bike, acting angry or tough. None of these things make you more of a man, in fact offten than not they make you look insecure and less of a man.

The only emotion men are allowed to express is anger. Being angry all the time is extra manly.

Thought of another trait that is as toxic as it is annoying: apparently a man must outwardly show how attracted he is to "hot" women around him or he must be gay, and apparently that in itself is also implied to be a disappointment.

Being creepy to women. Or worse than creepy

Turning every minor thing into a competition.

Seeing regular masculinity as toxic. Just out right judging people for not being more feminine and doing normal guy stuff.

Like bunch of guys joking around having fun. "Oh that's toxic masculinity.

The inability to admit that they're wrong.

Dudes that nitpick jokes.

Off the top of my head: the guy I recently saw get out of his car in stopped traffic banging on another driver’s window screaming “you almost hit me motherfucker!”

I was sat there thinking “almost?” Not that it’s excusable in any case but imagine losing it because someone almost hit you. Mistakes happen bro, be happy nothing serious happened.