this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2024
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Autism

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Occasionally I have these days where I don't feel like doing work or chores. So I'm thinking, why not just enjoy myself, do something that interests me?

But then I don't find any motivation to do anything really. Not even the things I normally enjoy very much.

Typically I would then waste time browsing or watching videos, but that seems to make it worse. How to snap out of this?

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[–] Aurenkin 49 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Just have to make it until after work and I can have a break

Just have to make it until the end of the week and I can rest for a couple of days

Just have to make it until the next holiday

Just have to make it

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

That's a disturbing poem.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Yep that's me

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (3 children)

@Aurenkin oof that's life, yep.
at some point I realized I'll "make it" but it doesn't get better, so …
so nothing, I guess.

I've been through every selective neurotransmitter reuptake inhibitor, and they pull off the amazing feat of being habit-forming drugs that do not actually help one feel better.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Depression sucks.

If it just unmotivated, make yourself go out. Set that as a goal. Just to get out of the house. Then work on doing something outside. A short walk , then look for some longer ones and try those.

My wife makes me take the dog on walks once a week and that helps

If it’s more, you might need therapy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Beyond walking the dog, I hate leaving the house. I can spike a panic attack doing the shopping.

Ymmv

[–] NationProtons 10 points 5 months ago

You're spot on. I don't even notice it myself. But during these kind of days, I always just sit at home and do nothing. I like walking actually, but for some reason my motivation for that drops as well and then I don't feel like going outside either. But it always helps, even if I don't feel like it.

I'd love to have a dog or cat at home, but I don't think I have the financial means at the moment. And I don't want to get one if I don't think I'll be able to take care of it properly.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I just girlrot til it's over. Can't force motivation. Best thing is to learn what stuff over depleted it and plan around that for the future.

[–] NationProtons 15 points 5 months ago

Sometimes it's pretty clear, but other times it feels like I had a great week and then suddenly I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

Never heard of 'girlrot' before, learned something new :) It's definitely a good description of what i'll end up doing most of these times.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Burnout is a bitch. If I knew the solution I would share it.

[–] NationProtons 19 points 5 months ago (2 children)

'Why don't you try being more happy?' <- actual advice given by family members. 🤦

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Its easy bro just secrete some more brain hormones

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

Oh wow, I didn't know. Thanks! Makes some more brain hormones

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

“Well, Ma, I was “more happy,” but then you and Dad got horny and ripped me from the void!”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Often, I loop some music such that it becomes slightly annoying for me, and tell myself that I can’t turn it off until I do the task. I’ve heard of something called “Autistic Inertia”, which states that we have a lot of difficulty starting to do something, but can easily keep doing it once we started.

Another thing I sometimes do is set micro deadlines. Eg: If I finish getting ready before 8:30, I can have a short break, otherwise I go directly to the next task which I must complete by 9:30. (Though I might adjust the time if I am running behind)

Something I remember hearing is “Don’t wait to be motivated to do stuff, or you won’t get anything done.”

Edit: Added some YouTube links for some videos I remembered. Not sure if they’re the best references, but I guess they should be helpful.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Light depression can be caused by a lot of things, and doesn't mean you have clinical depression. Things that work for me:

  1. Be more active. No, I dont mean you have to go kill yourself working out. Just go for a short walk.
  2. Disconnect from media and technology. If you use social media, get away from it for 24 hours. People don't talk about it enough but it's literally engineered to give you constant dopamine so you get addicted to it. Overall if you're in front of a computer all day, just get away from it and go make a trip. Even just to get groceries.
  3. Sleep. The one everyone loves making memes about. Truthfully though if your sleep schedule is super fucked, it can be a big problem causer. Not sure that's a word. You get me though.

Good luck friend. I've been there several times. Nothing sucks more than not knowing what to do to make yourself happy.

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Walking definitely does help me. And my sleep is fine as far as I can tell. Disconnecting is an issue though, I feel like all my hobbies are related to using the computer and I work as a software engineer, so very difficult to avoid being exposed to / reminded of online media and such.

Still didn't find a good solution for this. But I do notice that If I meditate regularly, it's easier to avoid spending all day on my computer.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

These may be depressive symptoms. It may be a good idea to find someone close to you to talk to, and keep them up-to-date about the situation. Make sure it's someone you trust and can open up to. It may also help to seek professional help if you feel it is getting worse or if you experience physical symptoms as well. We all have a need for genuine human connection, and talking to someone can help. It may make it easier for you to get back in touch with your more positive emotions, to 'snap' back into that positive or happier state of mind where things make sense like they usually do. Hope this helps. Much love from the Netherlands. ❤️

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

Heel erg bedankt voor je suggesties!

I'm living in a different country now, and can only contact my friends in the evening hours (And I find it very difficult to talk to them about these kind of things.) My partner is very helpful for me, but I cannot expect them to deal with my worries all the time (I also don't want to drag them down.)

Professional help would be useful, but thus far, I have not found anyone that really seemed to understand my situation. I find it very difficult to connect with anyone, even with my parents and friends I often have to push myself to keep any meaningful connection.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Lately I’ve started forcing myself to do nothing during those moments, like literally nothing. I set a timer for an hour and then turn off my phone and computer and lay down or just sit and kind of stare at a wall.

The boredom is horrible but the good news is that by the end of the hour, usually my mind has come up with a few things it would rather do than nothing.

Also, sometimes I can’t make it the full hour doing nothing but I only let myself do productive/healthy things like reading or doing dishes. It’s not really enjoyable but by the end of the hour it does feel slightly good that I was slightly productive.

Idk if it’ll work for you and idk if I’ll be able to keep doing it, but maybe it’s worth a shot. Tell me how it goes if you try it lol.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I got nothing to add to the comments already written but wanted to say "thanks for sharing", 'cause I'm in this mood now for weeks. It's like I'm waiting for something to happen without knowing what this something is. Luckily I'm going on holidays a few weeks from now. So: Thank you for sharing.

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

Hope you will feel better soon. It sucks if it lasts for weeks. And it can be so difficult to get out of it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Separate all of your problems into small finite categories and deal with them in order of importance: Health > Food > Shelter > Money > Companionship > Fulfillment

I actually used to struggle to find energy to do anything before I found out I was allergic to grass, trees, dogs, cats, horses, some insects, etc. Now I take a prescription antihistamine and I feel fine, like maybe benchpressing the sofa might be cool. Problem is, most people have a hard time finding the problems with health, the part that's wrong with themselves, first and foremost.

[–] NationProtons 7 points 5 months ago

Yeah it's not easy to figure out what exactly is wrong sometimes. I think my body either gives me no signals or mixes things up.

I think this is partly because during my childhood, I often felt uncomfortable (eating certain food, paying attention for hours in class, trying to make friends, etc...) but didn't have the option to actually recover or rest. When you are at school, you can't really retreat into your own chamber and take a nap or avoid bothersome noises, lights or social situations.

I learned that playing videogames or browsing was a very effective way for me to feel better (because it just drowned out all the senses and allowed full focus). But in the end, I feel like I've trained myself to ignore what my body says, and in the long run this just leads to more problems.

More recently, I have learned to listen a bit more to my own needs (sometimes as simple as feeling that I need to go to the toilet, and actually doing it). But it's still something that is not natural for me at the moment.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I found this condition while trying to understand how I often feel. Anhedonia wikipedia link

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

Yeah, that describes it pretty well. And probably also Avolition

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I have those moments all the time.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Yes.

Poorly.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Is somebody ever completely demotivated with everything?

Yep, that's called depression.

How do you deal with it?

Medication. Time. Continued effort. IMO, success in life isn't measured by completion. It's measured by getting back up after you fall. Amount of progress isn't the most important thing. Any progress, at all, is infinitely better than none.

Occasionally I have these days where I don’t feel like doing work or chores. So I’m thinking, why not just enjoy myself, do something that interests me?

Yep, have those all the time. I wait for them to pass and then when my energy comes back, I do all the things. It's frustrating because I'm waiting on some unknown energy to decide to make my brain work today.

Typically I would then waste time browsing or watching videos, but that seems to make it worse. How to snap out of this?

Yep. Same feeling. I like a few videos here and there, mostly sciency ones, but when I start mindless scrolling, it makes me feel worse and I stop. I usually do something light activity, small task, to get the ball rolling. Clean for 5 minutes. Only 5. Set a timer. I can stop after that. If I want, I can keep going, but stopping is fine.

[–] NationProtons 3 points 5 months ago

At some point, I even anticipated wasting too much time browsing or playing games. So I uninstalled steam and blocked websites like reddit and youtube.

I ended up just reading wikipedia articles for 4 hours straight. I always seem to find something to distract myself...

For me it seems to be more difficult to get out of this, Even if I can get myself to do some chores, or go outside for 5 minutes. But it's definitely already better now than in the past.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Write stuff down, write down why you should do things or not do them. When you need to regroup, read what you wrote. It helps me, but ymmv

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

This does help me a lot actually. I sometimes write a bit too much though. One of the reasons I started working on getting better is because of journalling.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Yeah. I call it being tired when anyone asks how I'm doing.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I have days like this.

I’ve discovered that I have an easy time doing things I kinda enjoy but not very much (video games, reddit), but I avoid things I really love (playing music, traveling, cooking).

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I also tend to postpone things that I love during these moments, possibly because I feel like I would not enjoy them fully.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I just think deep down a part of me think I don’t think I deserve real joy

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Since it usually stops within a week, I fully engage in the routine for that time

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This is not a healthy coping mechanism but I bribe myself with cookies like I'm a dog. If I get up and put the laundry in the dryer I get a cookie. If I send that email I get a cookie. It usually works. It won't really make me enjoy life but it does get me through it, if you know what I mean.

[–] NationProtons 2 points 5 months ago

I wish I had an easy way to bribe myself. I'm not really that motivated by food, so during these kind of days, I often barely eat anything. Even some meal I enjoy greatly, will just feel like a chore to eat.

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