this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2024
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Autism
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Yeah it's not easy to figure out what exactly is wrong sometimes. I think my body either gives me no signals or mixes things up.
I think this is partly because during my childhood, I often felt uncomfortable (eating certain food, paying attention for hours in class, trying to make friends, etc...) but didn't have the option to actually recover or rest. When you are at school, you can't really retreat into your own chamber and take a nap or avoid bothersome noises, lights or social situations.
I learned that playing videogames or browsing was a very effective way for me to feel better (because it just drowned out all the senses and allowed full focus). But in the end, I feel like I've trained myself to ignore what my body says, and in the long run this just leads to more problems.
More recently, I have learned to listen a bit more to my own needs (sometimes as simple as feeling that I need to go to the toilet, and actually doing it). But it's still something that is not natural for me at the moment.