A sample size of two is meaningless.

I spent a bit of time going through your post history to get an understanding of your background

In short I think your life experiences mean you've lost all trust in men. Not just your direct experiences but what you've observed in others.

As a result you enter each interaction assuming the worst. Every male social worker you engage with will confirm this pattern because that's what you're looking for. The - ah fuck here we go again - feeling.

For them, and I don't expect you to have empathy for them, this is what they live - the outcomes of other mens behaviours. But - they were there and they tried. That is something.

You have changed quite a lot of your original post.

Probably unlucky.

Try to recall whether you acted uncomfortable in your initial interaction with them. The first one due to surprise of them being the first male social worker working on your case. The second due to the unpleasantness with the former. The first impression usually sets the tone of a conversation, so there may have been a misunderstanding which then solidified into prejudice.

Or they were jaded asshole. Who knows.

It may be that the gender difference is magnifying any social/communication issues that are already there because of being ND. I know I've always found it harder to make myself feel understood by women compared to men, and I'm also autistic.

I've observed that both genders have different communication styles they expect to use, both with the same gender and with the opposite, and these are all the sort of dreaded unwritten social rules that we tend to struggle with as NDs. So a man tends to expect to conduct himself a different way with another man versus with a woman, and a woman expects to conduct herself a different way with other women than with men. The difference is subtle and mostly subconscious from what I can tell. Most people don't realize they are doing it, but NDs are often paying attention to different things than what NTs are in terms of body language, word choice, social cues, etc., so we pick up on it more, even though we don't always understand it.

Could also just be internal biases, on the side of either or both of you. Don’t rule out the possibility that you are the problem.

passive-aggressive defensiveness

Um, what?

If you had 17 case workers, then I guess 16 weren't a good fit for you, not only 2.

Idk how this post isn't in the red already for either the obvious troll post or just because of sexism. Stop trying to stir whatever pot of shit you're stirring by pretending you don't understand some "gender aspect" considering you claim these two people give you the impression that you don't think clearly which implies you know you think clearly and aren't an idiot.

Studies have shown women in health care are better listeners than men. This may be true of social workers as well. But 2 jerks doesn't really establish correlation.

I get the feeling the real answer is just sexism. Jobs similar to social work or just filing and paperwork anywhere tend to be majority female in my observation. Just like how manufacturing and other physical labor jobs are mostly men.

I don't think you're imagining things at all. In my experience, women and gay men tend to be more empathetic.

That said, I just wonder how those men CMS behave towards other men, and how different you'd be treated by women CMSs if you were a man.

Also, I found this review that compares the differences in empathy between males and females[*]. I don't have the time or energy for it, but it could be a place to start if you want to learn about the research on this.

In my own personal experience, I'm also autistic. I have found over my decade's that statistically in my life men tend to be really sexist and often time belittle and think there superior to women and non-binary people. Often times in my medical appointments and such, I always request a women or non binary person as every time I had a man they just didn't listen or cared and tend to guess for me instead of listening to me.

Your thoughts are valid and reasonable.

(This is not me saying every single man is like this, this is purely on my life and my experiences)

Maybe it's also industry-specific? I wonder if women more commonly get into the field out of a desire to help, and men get into it out of a desire to be employed.

Again, just spit balling.

Please be aware that Lemmy is, more often than not, extremely hostile and/or defensive towards female-centric issues or experiences, regardless of validity.

Edit: These downvotes tell me that folks are denying that this is an issue. Maybe y'all should ask / listen to women about what their experience has been discussing female-centric topics on Lemmy.