485
submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 95 points 2 months ago

That is so much money to entrust to one turtle

[-] [email protected] 44 points 2 months ago

Its not money until the turtle finds a way to fence it

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Where I’m from cocaine is the same, if not better, than money.

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Vending machines wont take my cocaine

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

With cocaine you can easily obtain multiple vending machines of your own.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Cocaine can be exchanged for goods and vending machines.

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[-] [email protected] 77 points 2 months ago

These Cocaine Bear sequels are getting weird.

[-] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

Unlike the original, of course.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Yes, a cinematic masterpiece soon to be on the criterion collection!

[-] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Cut out the feel good "not without my daughter" parts of the story and it was actually pretty good.

Scratch that, take out the plot but keep all the kills, add a few more in and the film would have been a solid 8/10.

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[-] [email protected] 38 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago

Oh, so the turtle was unemployed, after all

Good to hear she didn't turn to the path of crime

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

No no no.

The turtle is employed; they work for the cops.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

That is what the turtle wants you to think

[-] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

The Coast Guard sure has some funky math.

seized 7 tons of cocaine worth over $135 million

But this 1800 lbs is worth $53mil?

They're just making up these numbers

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Of course they are. The whole war on drugs is made up.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

it's worth nothing until you realize the gains

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[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago

$48 Million worth of Cocaine was found strapped to a turtle? Incredible.

[-] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

Crazy they found $40 million worth of cocaine on this turtle. Where could it have gotten the $35 million of cocaine from?

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

Crazy someone would attach 30 million worth of cocaine to a turtle.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

I'm sure there will be an astute amount of investigation on the 20 million worth of cociane floating with the turtle

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Yep gotta know where the 15 million worth of cocaine came from .

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

$10 million worth of cocaine?

Get out a here with that nonsense!

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[-] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The cutter Thetis is part of Operation Martillo — an international effort launched in 2012 to target drug trafficking routes along the Central American coast.

In its most recent patrol, the operation seized 7 tons of cocaine worth over $135 million, according to a release by the Coast Guard.

And the War on Drugs™ continues its neverending game of Whack-a-mole®

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

*Whack-a-turtle

FTFY

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[-] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago

I bet the turtle approached them thinking they're possible mates.

Size and shape roughly fit.

They're not too picky about what they hump.

[-] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

I didn't know Mitch McConnell was running errands for Trump Jr!

[-] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago

From now on, we need to refer to all water traveling drug smugglers as drug turtles instead of drug mules.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago

Did I ever tell you the time we found a turtle with $50 million worth of cocaine attached to it?

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Wow, how did the turtle get that $45 million of coke?

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Not sure, but we gave the $40 million worth of cocane to the FDA.

[-] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago

Next time, give the turt a couple bumps off the coke so it can outrun the cops.

[-] Klicnik 15 points 2 months ago

The turtle has been found guilty, and sentencing will take place in September.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

These mandatory minimum sentences are getting out of hand.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Turtle powder

[-] ThrowawayPermanente 12 points 2 months ago

animalsthatgotfiredfromtheirjobs

[-] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

The DEA turtle !

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Turtle. Holding. Big time.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

You all jest - and fair enough.. but dude.. this just makes me so sad :( that poor turt didn't sign up for this shit

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Did they at least give him a trial?

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Steady pace wins the face candy.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

On it's way to a cowabunga party.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

He is the party dude.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

He can’t go down with 2 barrels!

[-] agentshags 2 points 2 months ago

The community this is in makes it even better

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this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2024
485 points (98.6% liked)

Animals with Jobs

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