this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2024
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Programmer Humor

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They should have a rocks glass with a query on it

SELECT * FROM liquor_cabinet WHERE proof >= 120

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

> 176 shots returned.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 10 months ago

They also give away branded needles so you can give yourself an SQL injection.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

The DBA at my old job used to keep a revolver with one bullet, and a bottle of evan williams in his cabinet. There would come many a time when he reaches for the drawer and opens it, seeing both. He always opted for the whiskey, but having seen some of our PRs, there were definitely times he lingered on the revolver.

This is a joke, btw. When's the last time you've seen a dedicated DBA lol

[–] xmunk 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Gosh I hope you took some creative liberties with that story... a coworker having a loaded gun at the office would be creepy as fuck - even if it was just in support of a joke.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I made it up from another joke.

[–] xmunk 0 points 10 months ago

That gives me great comfort.

[–] xmunk 35 points 10 months ago

That's some really clever Postgres merch.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

bartender! one TRUNCATE for me please! I don't want to remember this night

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Bartender:

This is the closest I got.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago

Can we DROP the joke about DBs already?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (2 children)

ElasticSearch would make me drink if I drank

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Could you do your best dunk on ES for me please? Not as in factually great, just whatever. I (ab)use quite a bit in my work, and can't say I have particularly strong opinions/feelings around it either way - I could use some help to change that xD

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

My most recent complaint is about index mappings. I have 2 types in 2 different indexes that each have a field with the same name. One index has a hand written mapping. The other index is currently under active development and doesn't have a mapping for it yet so it's built automatically. When I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping, the index WITH a mapping changes the field into a keyword and no further queries against the index WITH a mapping work. This also happens if I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping before the other index is created. Why does the index WITH a mapping change?!? WE WROTE THE MAPPING FOR A REASON BUT ITS IGNORED!?!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

Bartender, I'll have a shot of that. And please clear my TABLE, I'd rather have a nice VIEW.

[–] ForynGilnith 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Show me one which says MariaDB and then I'll be interested

[–] andrew_bidlaw 1 points 10 months ago

I know one name I wouldn't call a dsughter of mine with.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

That'll make you forget about the analyst who left didn't add a WHERE clause in their "test" UPDATE statement

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Can I get an Oracle version?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I wanna take a shot of something else every time I have to do anything with databases...