this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2023
388 points (94.5% liked)

Memes

44949 readers
2556 users here now

Rules:

  1. Be civil and nice.
  2. Try not to excessively repost, as a rule of thumb, wait at least 2 months to do it if you have to.

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 39 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It’s called a brojob and it’s totally straight if your eyes are closed

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

You should also wear socks just in case

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I let you jerk me off, and you make fun of my tiny dick. Yeah sure, that seems fair

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Sorry, I thought you were into that.

[–] ShartyWaffles 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My hands are full of penis, and I’m already in heaven.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Imagine ejaculating out of all 10 of your handpenises simultaneously

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

that means womans have to get lesbians to avoid penises, got it

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Depending. Women jack off a hell of a lot after you roll over

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I like to help my lady after I finish. 🤌

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

So female masturbation is still sanctified. Got it. Let me just go ahead and close the door and turn on this white noise machine......

[–] darcy 14 points 1 year ago
[–] southsamurai 11 points 1 year ago

They've apparently never met a one armed roofer.

Shout out to my cousin Randy!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

This is why you take the elevator to heaven and just fucking jerk it all the way up.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

crank that mf hog right up to the pearly gates

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Who is gonna be below me? Nobody. Gonna wank it all the way up.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

40 days and 40 nights in the desert with no food and you reckon Jesus didn't rub one out to lift his mood, yeah, OK

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Yes! Release first. The stickiness will help.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

What if you wanted to go to heaven

But god said "your hands are full of penis."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I should stop boiling my semen, they are beginning to notice

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Refrain, or course, from masturbation and excessive handling of the sex organs. A two shake limit during urination is in effect.

I have a very very hard time believing that this is serious, but sadly I'm not fully convinced that it is not

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Holy shit.

Should People Who Masturbate Be Allowed to Vote? 457 comments

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Wait until the pedo priests head about this.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

But what if you occasionally take a break from climbing the ladder to heaven, with your hands full of penis?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/watch?v=QkF3oxziUI4&pp=ygUZc3RhaXdheSB0byBoZWF2ZW4geW91dHViZQ

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Even if you were a perfectly efficient ladder climbing robot, you still would not stand a chance climbing the ladder to heaven because of a little thing called specific impulse, which you woefully lack and this other little thing called heaven, hell and god aren't real they were invented by humans to give false hope to other humans and through that false hope control other humans and also get wrecked theists

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You have to climb a ladder to get to heaven now?

Since when?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

There is Jacob's ladder in the bible, a prophetic dream sequence with various interpretations.

Jacob's ladder the decorative body piercing is probably not what this meme had in mind, nor is it something you really wanna google at work for porn reasons, but it seems more fun to climb than their idea.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Well that website was fun lol.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I have pocket to put all my penises in, god can't stop me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Of course not, helping priests climb to heaven is the altar boy's job.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

No American is gonna be able to climb that. So many fat people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

It works for some women tho

load more comments
view more: next ›