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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DisastrousDare5998 on 2024-01-24 10:49:30+00:00.
My Wife had an affair
My wife(23F) had an affair with one of my coworkers/close friend. I (22M) was planning a party with a group of my friends/coworkers for new years. We all pitched in to buy a hotel for the night and planned to go bar hopping. I came down with Covid a few days before and decided it would be best if I didn’t go. My wife decided to still go since we already paid money and she wasn’t around me much while I was sick. That night she got drunk and took mushrooms with my friend. After everyone came back to the room and was already hammered they turned out the lights and went to bed. She then had sex with my friend that she took the mushrooms with. All my friends knew about it and agreed the next morning that it would be the best idea not to tell me. From there a month goes by and I am none the wiser. My wife grows a little more distant and starts sleeping in a different room in our house. She starts becoming addicted to a game called wizard101 and joins a group chat on Discord with a bunch of people. One night about a week ago I walk by her room as I’m getting ready to go to bed and I hear a video playing. I walk in to turn it off and discover she is on FaceTime with another dude and they both fell asleep. I had a bad feeling about that so I go through her phone and I discover she had been flirting with him for a couple days and talking dirty to eachother. I confront her and she is very dismissive at first but she tries to make things better and I forgive her. After that though my trust with her broke a little bit. I checked her phone again two days later and found out she broke it off with the one dude and started flirting with another. I confront her again and we seem to make things work out. My trust broke a little more and I told her I wanted to go through her phone more often. She warned me not to go through her messages with one of her girl friends because they talks about me and she wants that privacy. I agree but after a couple more days(now this evening), my curiousity get the best of me and I discover that in her texts with her friend she had sex with someone and she says his name in there(my coworker). I decide to give him a call away from my wife and he tells me everything. He tells me how they were drunk/high and they had sex. He tells me that everyone there that night knows and decided it was best not to tell me. So I just confronted my wife about it and she tells me the truth and apologized saying it was a mistake. She wants to work on things but with all the factors considered I don’t know if our marriage is savable.
TL;DR; How can I trust my friends or even my wife anymore? Any advice? Also I left out some parts due to personal reasons about why ending my marriage is almost an impossible thing for me to do but if I absolutely feel that I have to I may.