this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra_89j on 2024-01-24 08:56:54+00:00.


I've been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years and before me she had been in 3 other relationships. She hasn't had any contact with any of her exes while we've been together. One of them added her on facebook and instagram a couple of weeks ago. She told me and didn't accept the request.

He then messaged apologising for adding her and just said he hopes she's well. She told me about this and said she hates being on bad terms with people and asked if I was okay with her messaging him back to let him know how she is and to say she hopes he's well. I told her I did find it weird that she wanted to reply but I can't stop her from messaging anyone.

She then mentioned a couple of other messages he sent and what she said in reply. We then went away on holiday and she said he mentioned that he'd asked her to let him know when she arrives safely. She again asked if I was fine with her messaging him to let him know. I said I again found it weird and that I don't want her spending the holiday messaging her ex. She said she wouldn't be and it would just be 1 message.

When we got back home he messaged again and she asked if it was okay for her to reply. This time I told her no. I said I thought I was fine with it but that it makes me uncomfortable and that I do find it weird that she cares this much about messaging her ex. She said I was going back on what I said but I just repeated that I'm setting a boundary now. I said if she wants to keep messaging her ex she can be single and do it but that I'm not going to just sit back while she enjoys catching up with an ex boyfriend.

She said I should just trust her and that I shouldn't be telling her who she is allowed to talk to but I just pointed out it seems suspicious that she cares this much about talking to an ex boyfriend that she clearly doesn't care about how it makes her actual boyfriend feel.

She said that I was unfair to say that and that I'm being too harsh towards her. I'm not really sure what to do or how to handle this, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation?

tl;dr my girlfriend said I was being controlling and should just trust her when I said I'm uncomfortable with her regularly talking with her ex

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