This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Professional-Cat5815 on 2024-01-24 07:32:47+00:00.
The context: I’ve been with my boyfriend for just under a year now. Things were going really well for a while, and about 5 months into our relationship, he asked me to move in with him. At the time, he was working a full time and a part time job to pay the bills. I’ve always made less than him, so he insisted I only pay about 1/3 of the bills - the amount his part-time job would contribute - and he would leave his part time job to be able to spend some more time with me.
Unfortunately, about a month in to living with him, I had a medical emergency and was unable to continue working retail. It was just too hard on my body. He was able to work some overtime and make up what I was unable to contribute, and over all he was incredibly kind and understanding with me. About a month later, I was able to start a wfh job that paid a little less, but that I was able to work consistent hours at. I am still at that job now.
Just under 2 months after I started my wfh job, he had a series of mental and physical health problems and was unable to continue his full time job. I told him I had his back and that I would pick up extra hours wherever I could to try and cover our expenses until he could get another job.
Well, he did! First was a seasonal job at a shipping company. He said he really enjoyed it, but was unable to continue doing it due to physical problems. I said that’s ok, I won’t have enough money to cover our expenses, but my parents are incredibly generous and with the help of my grandparents, they were able to gift us $400 toward our rent. So groceries were a little tight last month, but at least the bills were paid. I also ended up helping him with his phone bill and personal loan payments so that he’d have service and his credit wouldn’t take a hit. I was trying really hard to be positive, though being the breadwinner on my little income was taking a big toll on me.
Then, he got another job at a retail store. Not great pay, but it was full time and he had decent shift hours. He worked there for about half a month when he applied for and got this newest job. It’s at a different shipping company in a different department than his seasonal position.
The current issue:
He told me this was the start of a better future and that he was going to be making so much more money and he couldn’t wait until we could go do stuff again and buy me an engagement ring. I was skeptical since he has said the same thing each time he starts a new job, but he was hurt that I wasn’t excited for him, so I tried to be supportive. Orientation was yesterday and that went great, so I was really hopeful that things were actually going to be different this time. I was wrong.
He woke up for his night shift earlier, complaining of an intense toothache. He’s had an abscess in his gums before, so I was really worried and asked if he needed to call out and go to the ER. He said no, and asked me to go pick him up some pain medicine from the store. I of course did, and after he took it and the pain went down some, I asked him again if he would call out or if he thought he could tough it out. He said that he couldn’t do either, and calling out would only get him fired anyway, so he’ll just have to look for another job again.
I’m not going to lie, I was very upset, and asked him why he couldn’t even try to call or text his boss. He said there’s no number to get in contact with them and that he receives his schedule through an automated email.
I don’t know what to do. I’m working myself to my limit every week and it’s still not enough to cover our rent, and I feel so guilty asking my parents for help when they live under the poverty line too. I’m so tired and every month my bf and I have had the same conversation, and he always manages to convince me that he’s doing the best he can and that things will change. I also feel like I owe it to him to stick through this since he stuck with me while I was out of a job. I mean, we’ve talked about marriage and I thought it was a real possibility, but this lack of stability is causing me extreme mental and physical stress.
I believe that he is doing the best he can. I believe that he has good intentions and wants these jobs to work out just as much as I do. I just don’t know if I can be part of this relationship anymore with the amount of stress I’m under. How do I figure out if I need to leave or not?
Tl;dr I have a low-paying wfh job. I’ve been covering mine and my bf’s expenses for a couple months with the help of my parents, but it’s causing a huge amount of stress. Bf is recently unable to keep a job due to mental/physical reasons, but keeps assuring me things will change. How do I decide if this relationship is still viable for me even though he’s not actually doing anything “wrong?”