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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Even_Roof3002 on 2024-01-24 01:31:55+00:00.
Hello reddit. Thanks for coming by because I certainly need all the help I can get. I’ve spoken to some of my closest friends and family about this and the opinion is pretty mixed, so I figured I’d come here to get a more impartial opinion.
I’m devastated reddit, and I don’t know what to do. Here are the facts:
My[33m] wife Sara[32f], is the love of my life. She’s a woman of charm, grace, beauty and accomplishment. I met her through mutual friends 6 years who thought that we’d be a good fit. At first Sara didn’t seem to be too impressed with me, but as we chatted she warmed up to me and we even exchanged numbers. We went on a date and had an amazing time, that turned into another date, which turned into us dating and then eventually marriage. Sara is such a warm, caring person who helped me through some tough times and was always there to pick me up, dust me off, pat me on the back and help me forward. I thought she would be the woman I’d raise a family with and grow old together with, but maybe that isn’t the case.
Last week I was clearing our driveway from snow when I came back in the house to take a piss, and overheard a phone conversation between Sara and a friend of hers. Our house is very echo-ey and I don’t think she realized I was in the house because she thought I was still clearing the driveway. Recently her friend broke up with her long term boyfriend because she didn’t feel like they were a long term match. That’s when Sara said unprompted and I quote because it was burned into my brain: “I mean it’s a good thing you did this now, you don’t want to end up with your second or third option like I did”. I swear I thought she was joking, but from the tone of her voice, I could tell that she wasn’t. Something told me to pull out my phone and record, so I did. The conversation continued with her saying: “He’s not the love of my life, but I do love him”, and I guess the most damning of them all: “If Paul(her ex) wasn’t so terrified of marriage, I’d probably still be with him”. She did conclude by saying that she really did love me, but it wasn’t head over heels love, and that she thought I was a great husband and would be a good father someday. I have this all on recording.
I was confused and flustered in that moment that I forgot I had to pee and went back outside to continue clearing the driveway. Inside I was destroyed, I felt like a zombie just going through the motions. When I finished up, I went back inside and I finally looked at her and I just felt…empty. She smiled at me but I didn’t give her one back, she asked me what was wrong, so I just told her I was sick. That night I just stuck to myself and didn’t say much. The next day over some beers, I asked my best friends in the world(33m, 34f) what they thought of the recording and they immediately said to divorce. My friend Ashley[34f] said “if a woman admits that she doesn’t love you more than her ex, there’s nothing more to say”. A day later, I brought this to my sister and parents who took the opposite approach. They said I should listen to her words carefully, and that she said she does love me, that she chose to commit to me and that even though I ‘m not her soulmate, I shouldn’t take commitment and an admission of love so lightly.
I’ve been faking being okay at home reddit, and I don’t think I can keep up the act much longer. She’s been extremely suspicious since that day and constantly asks me if anything is wrong. I have no idea what to do, but I know I need to make a decision soon.
Can you guys see anything here that I can’t? Should I give Sara a chance? Do you think she really loves me?
Tl;dr: Accidently overhear my wife saying I was her backup option, probably wouldn’t be with me if ex would commit and that I’m not the love of her life.