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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Over_Judgment648 on 2024-01-23 20:07:25+00:00.
Should I reach out and tell his girlfriend the truth?
Hi F21. So I met this guy M21 on bumble who seemed really nice. We talked. We flirted. Exchanged some spicy messages. I found out he and I work in the same building. He told me where he did his undergrad and what he had his degree in which I really liked because I’m in engineering and it’s a similar field. Well he had been making jokes about finding my desk at work and yesterday when I was fixing to get off and leave he did. We really hit it off and had like alot of instant chemistry. He stayed and talked to me while I finished my work then he walked with me to my car (it’s a long walk) and we got dinner to go and took it back to my house. When we got back to my house we ended up not eating and having sex twice then we went back downstairs and got high. We hung out for another hour or so just talking and then we had sex again. He was fixing to leave when my doorbell rang. And when I got up to get the doorbell he like grabbed me and was like don’t answer it. Who’s here. Asking me all kinds of questions and I was like bro chill out I’ll just check. Turns out his girlfriend is at my door. He starts freaking out and I’m wicked pissed but im also still kinda high. So he tells me he was like I was just kind of hoping you wouldn’t find out. Started telling me she’s toxic. She’s crazy. We’ve drifted apart. She doesn’t even pay rent. I haven’t wanted to be with her for a while but we live together. Told me his plan was to wait for their lease to be up to break up with her. All the while still dating me. So just date me for a month and half and hope I don’t find out about his literal girlfriend. Hes like panicking he won’t let me get the door anytime I try to he starts like freaking out and grabs me and I’m like if you’re not gonna let me answer the door get up and get the fucking door. I wish I had been sober cause I’d have gotten the door the first time but unfortunately I waited for him to so the poor girl was waiting there forever. I was gonna call a friend of mine cause I was like wtf is happening and he was like no don’t tell your friends I don’t want them to have a low opinion of me WHEN THEY MEET ME. Insanity. Well apparently he left his phone in his car and his car unlocked and she got ahold of his phone along with some spicy messages we had exchanged. I finally got him to get the door. And he did. And I was so pissed I was shaking and I stayed in my kitchen he opened the door. Talked to her for a second grabbed his shjt and left. They started fighting in my driveway and I definitely listened to their fight from my doorbell camera. 1) he threw me under the bus so hard 2) lied so hard to her about what was going on. Said I was coming on to him but he didn’t touch me. All kinds of stuff. I learned about an inordinate amount of lies he told me on top of his having a girlfriend. Like he basically invented a whole other person to go out with me. He comes back to my door and is like did I leave anything and I basically was just like fuck off and slammed the door. So obviously I feel terrible. Like I did not know he had a girlfriend but I feel awful for what I did. And I want to apologize to her for one and pay her back for the dinner he bought because I learned in my eaves dropping that she paid for dinner. But I also think she deserves the truth. I found her on social media. And I’ve considered reaching out but I don’t want to cause her anymore grief than I already have. Like my hesitation is I don’t want to make this worse for her. But I want to give her the opportunity to know the whole truth if it’s what she wants. But I so genuinely just really don’t want to make this worse for her and I’m afraid my reaching out of any kind will just do more harm than good. Thoughts?
TLDR:// I hooked up with a guy I did not know had a girlfriend and she showed up at my house last night while he was there. They fought on my driveway and I listened in and he so obviously lied to her and basically invented another person to go out with me. I found her socials and I’m not sure whether i should reach out to her because I don’t want to cause her more grief but I think she deserves the choice to hear the whole truth if she wants it.