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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LetsWrassle on 2024-01-24 00:08:32+00:00.
I (40m) have been married to my spouse (45f) for over 17 years. She will often just flip a switch and decide she doesn't want me to do some innocuous things and demands that I reverse my plans immediately. This is one of many, but most recently we were planning on getting a couple's massage and spa day as we love to do every time we visit Thailand. She put off booking, and we could not find a decent Spa in Chiang Mai that was not booked. She promised me that we would get one when we went back to Bangkok, then decided she didn't want to go and told me I could go by myself. She changed the plans and said I couldn't do it in Bangkok, but maybe close to our home in the suburbs on our last day and she would find a location. I was beginning to realize that she was not serious about helping me book, so I found a spa 2.5km from our house and told her that I was heading out to my appointment. She flipped out on me and said that we already talked about it (spoiler: we didn't) and I wasn't going to get a massage. I told her I was going anyway as she promised I could and I would walk if I had to. She started screaming, blocking my exit, and gaslighting me saying I just wanted a happy ending and that's why I wanted to do it. It wasn't until we had a meltdown, cry session, and me compromising saying I won't go. She triumphantly smiled and said, "See that's all I wanted. I am so glad you see it as I do now." I didn't see it like she did, but I felt that she battle-axed me down until I had no fight in me. The kicker was, she called the spa back and ordered me a massage later in the afternoon and even waited happily in the lobby for me. This kind of stuff happens all the time. She did this again the other day when I told her that I was going to go to the mall literally 1.5 blocks from the house. She didn't want to go but refused to allow me to go. I suspect it is because she wants me to prove to her that I place her above others, and she is extremely pliable when I cede first to her whims. Anybody else know what this may be or why this happens?
TL;DR: My wife constantly decides that she will not allow me to do something that has previously been agreed upon, often resulting in major fights and battle-axing me into submission