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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thisguylukas on 2024-01-23 23:51:18+00:00.
Me (19/M) and my girlfriend (19/F) are together for about 1.5 years now. This is the first real relationship for the both of us.
I started this relationship with really low self esteem, huge insecurities and huge jealousy issues, which haven’t really gotten better since. Despite all that, it’s been a huge delight, though. I love her genuinely and the feeling is mutual.
The insecurity issues didn’t really come up much in the beginning, only when she wanted to go to parties and insisted on going without me. I tried to not let the jealousy overtake and tried to act rationally as best as possible, but I’d lie, if I said, that my insecurities never started an argument. Which is not fair for her, I know.
Because of our studies, we’ve kinda gone long distance about 3-4 months ago. We tried to see each other at least once a week, which didn’t really work out every time. She’s entering examination phase and has less time overall now too.
Since then it’s been real ups and downs for her mentally, she’s trying to find new friends, didn’t really succeed in the beginning but is now forming a sort of friend group with 3 others. I’ve tried to be there at all times for her, listening, telling her that she will for sure find friends eventually and that she shouldn’t rush things.
Now since she found a nice group of people that she likes and enjoys spending time with, it’s been huge ups and downs for me. The jealousy overruns me whenever she doesn’t answer me, because she’s with them. She also isn’t a fan of introducing me to them or taking me on any activity with them together. This breaks me mentally. Rational me thinks that it’s more than fair for her to have her own friendgroup, but jealous me just isn’t really happy about not even knowing them.
Now I genuinely want her to have friends, I genuinely want her to have a great time, but whenever she’s with them and doesn’t answer me because of it, I constantly feel abandoned and forgotten.
We have argued before over things like that, she saw some of my points, not all of em.
I really wanna think, and I tell myself that I 100% trust her with all my heart, but I just can’t seem to win the fights against thoughts like „what if she thinks they are much cooler than me“, „am I embarrassing her“, „would she really stand up for me“ or „am I a high enough priority for her“.
It’s just all these little things and stuff that, I suppose, are considered normal, that fuck me up mentally.
I guess you could say, that I am far from ready to be in a relationship and I don’t want to disagree, but I just don’t want to throw away what we have. I don’t know how I can work on myself while being in this relationship, but I really don’t want to break up. I also really don’t want to do a break.
I really am desperate… any thoughts or stuff you guys can share? Thanks in advance
Also I wanna add that therapy kinda is off the table as I firstly wouldn’t be able to afford it and secondly there are VERY limited spots anyways.
tl;dr My insecurities and issues kind of ruin my otherwise healthy relationship and I really don’t want to break up