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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Miyahchanel26 on 2024-01-23 23:41:38+00:00.
(This is a pretty long story)
It all started when this guy from my school started pursuing me outta nowhere. I’ve had some conversations with him before that and idk we just had an instant click. He looked like a bad boy on the outside, but we had lots of commonalities. We talked about meditation, social issues etc… IN CLASS. I had always thought “hmm he’s the only person in this building whom i can have a deep conversation with. Cool guy” (found out he thought the same abt me afterwards) However this was the beginning of the year and he still had a girlfriend. Im not a homewrecker so at this point there was 0 attraction and i didnt see him much after these interactions.
Then after like 2 months he started pursuing me outta nowhere, me not know he had been single for 1,5 months was kinda taken aback by this and didnt want to engage unless i knew that he wasn’t cheating. We had a conversation about it, found out she broke up with him (in the most vile way) and kept it moving. We started talking more after this, but i was pretty hard to get. Also let him know immediately “if you’re looking for a hook up or rebound im not the right person”. I feel like this made him even more interested in a sense. Time goes by, we have a great connection and there’s just this spark. However im still cautious so i start a conversation about everything. His intentions, his feelings towards her and how we’re moving forward. He has always been very transparent and honest, ALWAYS! And i didnt mind him not completely being over her bc its totally understandable, but also… we’re single. So i just said “Hey I understand, but for now im taking a few steps back. To protect myself, but i also want to give you the space to really heal and explore that area if you need to. What you guys have going on had nothing to do with me. However one thing, only pursue me once you know you are FULLY over her. Then we’ll see if my doors still open”. He agreed, but he was taken aback by me not being moved at all. It got him interested even more. And he started pursuing me and giving me reassurance. Eventhough he did that i always had this feeling of.. uncertainty. Like i couldnt give in 100%, because i just felt like my spot wasn’t secure.
Everything was perfect for the first month. Communication was great, he treated me so well and was everything but toxic. Told me he loved me. Had great walks, lot’s of holding each other and he catered to my love language (words of affirmations) Truly, till this day, i believe he’s one of the best men I’ve met. And i do believe it was genuine, but as time progressed and she kept trying to get his attention. He realized theres still a piece of him with her and he was conflicted. I asked this one question, that made him realize himself he’s not over her. I broke down, felt so betrayed. He couldn’t even look at me, i know it hurt him too. So he admitted that he would go back to her, i stopped crying and took it like a champ. Hung up, the next times i saw him at school walked past him like i never knew him.
1 months goes by and he texts me. He wants to talk and show me 20 paragraphs of what he’s been journaling about me for the past few weeks. They had tried, but she still hadn’t changed and didn’t treat him right so this time he left her and realized that he deserved better. I refuse to be the woman he settles for just because he cant have the version of her that he wants/misses, but if i give him another chance i feel like i am accepting that “2nd place” any tips?
(By the way we’ve both agreed to me letting this go and doing my thing. He wants to work on himself, get over all of it and come back when he’s a version that he believes deserves me. Just doing us right now, no contact)
TL;DR; : Boy leaves me for ex and comes running back after realizing she hasn’t changed and doesnt treat him right