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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/basalganglia_ on 2024-01-23 23:10:35+00:00.
I (28F) became friends with X (30M) a little over a year ago. We became comfortable with each other quickly and have built a really nice friendship thus far. I admit I have always found him attractive but since he has been with his different-continent long distance girlfriend (27F) for a few years, I have kept my expectations and interactions platonically.
However, his flirting has really ramped up the past few months to the point where I feel like I have to say something. We have always had really great banter and are laughing majority of the time together. However a few months into our friendship he started acting like a little boy on the playground. Taking things out of my hands or taking my hats and chucking it across the room, getting my attention in a group just to flip me off, stealing my seat whenever I get up, etc.
He has now started making much more directed comments towards whatever is going on between us. When I ask him for help or he sees me struggling, he’ll say a comment like “I never do XYZ for anyone, I hope this shows how much I care about you”. This has been said multiple times.
He and his girlfriend married spontaneously a few months ago while she was visiting. When I first met up with them and gave him a congratulatory fist bump (he will not hug me but is fine rubbing my back, my arm, or playing with my hands) he said “Are you going to rip up my marriage license now?” then proceeded to spend more time with me than his NEW wife. He told me she brought this up and wasn’t happy he was running around all night instead of being with her.
There was another instance where he said his “marriage really got in the way of our (he and mine) will-they-wont-they relationship.”
He has stated, maybe jokingly, I make him nervous and hot and bothered.
I’ve caught him staring at me multiple times.
He will leave conversations with others just to talk to me. Or insert himself into convos I’m having. We always end up sitting or standing next to each other.
He has been a supporter of me being a homewrecker with one of my married coworkers or any unavailable man that approaches me. Which I tell him again and again I would never do.
He said that I’m his favorite person in our friend group and that it scares him how alike we are.
I’m starting to have feelings for him. I try not to instigate flirty encounters. I do not want anything to happen as I would feel beyond guilty and I know I would never trust him. I want him to be a better man for his wife and himself.
I don’t know how to approach this. It’s hard to tell if he’s just friendly, it’s innocent flirting, or something else going on. I don’t want to ruin our friendship group either. Multiple people in our group have noticed his need for my undivided attention and that he only acts this way with me. Help!!
tldr My (28F) married friend (30M) is pushing boundaries and I don’t know what to make of it.