Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra_amithefool on 2024-01-23 22:45:11+00:00.

I've (25M) been in a relationship with my girlfriend (30F) for more than 1 year and I find things that raises suspicion here and there, but I can't tell if what I'm seeing is actually worthy of suspicion or if I'm just a sensitive asshole.

We have a pretty stable, sedentary lifestyle for the most part and I'd like to preface this by pointing out that I feel that she does genuinely love me and want to spend a lot of time together, but I can't shake the feeling that something might be off.

Some things that I find are red flags are:

• She gets angry easily
  • If something inconveniences her or doesn't go the way she wants, she'll become inconsolable and she'll just see red
  • She'd even take her anger out on me and start criticizing me
    • I've already talked to her about this and she's gotten better, but it's very tiring to hear her curse up and down when something does come up
• She hints me about very expensive stuff
  • She often hints at me that she wants designer items worth $6k+, a ~$25k wedding ring, and a $50k wedding
    • I've talked to her about why she wants all these things and she tells me that she comes from a tough childhood where she didn't have much luxurious stuff growing up, so she wants to have these things at least some point in her life
    • I think this point is fair, but it's a little concerning having these hints come up ever so often
  • At this point, I'm unsure if I should be concerned because she DOES help pay for things here and there, but I'm the one that mostly pays for stuff
    • Maybe this is a fair trade since she bought a house and most of her money goes there?
    • I do help by paying rent too
  • She also tends to ingest a lot of content on social media that makes her compare herself to people on there (and she acknowledges this too) so I wonder if this has anything to her wanting all these expensive stuff
• She asks for favors a lot
  • She says that her love language is "acts of service", but she asks me to do the most menial tasks like:
    • Giving her phone from the desk that she is inches away from
    • Making me cook something that she could have done herself while I was driving to her place for an hour
    • Making me turn off the A/C in the car while I'm driving even though she's also inches away from the button
  • Because she owns a house, her expectation is that a boyfriend should be able to help around the house to improve it
    • I'm not talking about JUST cleaning. I'm talking about things like changing the flooring, installing lights in the ceiling, and installing new cabinets
    • I've already expressed to her that I'm not a contractor and not good with huge projects like these and would rather pay for someone to do it for us
    • She acknowledges that I do a lot for her, but somehow I feel that if I lessen the amount I do, she'll think I'm less of a man
  • We were also talking about people not being able to live so luxuriously after owning a home because of the mortgage and she says "good thing I have a boyfriend"
    • I replied back "Am I an ATM to you or something?" and she kind of stutters from there.
    • Not sure exactly what she meant by that, but if my question was out of pocket then I apologize for that
• She doesn't take rejection well
  • If she asks me to do something with her, she'll expect me to just say yes and give me a hard time if I tell her I don't want to do it.
    • She eventually backs down if I firmly tell her I don't want to do something, but she won't be happy
    • However, when it's my turn to invite her to do something, she'll turn me down 8/10 times.
    • If I try to be persistent as well, she'll go to make me happy but her face obviously shows she's not enjoying her time and it just kills the mood
  • All of this to point out that whenever she wants to do something, it feels like it MUST happen, but when I want something then she gives me a hard time

I've communicated to her about everything I've pointed out here. We get into arguments and she does things to make me happy in the moment but she'll go right back to doing the same thing soon after.

I know the easiest answer is "if you're not happy then leave", but I'm trying to understand her more as a person.

Is there anything I should be concerned about?

TLDR; Girlfriend gets angry easily, hints about expensive stuff often, asks for favors a lot, and doesn't take rejection well. Can't tell if I'm being manipulated or not.