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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowAwayTVOff on 2024-01-23 22:29:58+00:00.
This is not the end of the world, and our relationship is overall healthy. But I wanted to get some other perspectives on this issue.
I have some issues with insomnia. I have "flare ups" a few times a year and try very, very hard to keep good sleep hygiene the rest of the time. I don't like lights on, turn my phone off beforehand, and don't want any sound (white noises like a fan can be fine).
My partner had sleep issues before and did not go down the same route as me. Instead, he needs TV to sleep. I like to go to bed when I'm tired, so I can go straight to sleep (I've read doing a lot of non-sleep activity in bed is bad for your ability to sleep). He goes to bed before he's tired so he can wind down, and expects me to do the same. This leads to arguments when I don't want to watch multiple episodes. I compromise by watching one each night, even though I truly never, ever want to--he still thinks it's not enough, but he's fine with it as a compromise. But he will continue to watch things afterward and the light and sound is very difficult for me.
I have tried to just move to the guestroom when it's too much for me, but this upsets him. I have tried to compromise by saying it's fine for him to continue watching things, but here's a (short!) list of things that I do not want on while I sleep. Literally just a list of three things, two of which I don't want on due to specific noises that bother me, and one because they are an argumentative Youtuber that I particularly hate (I leave the room if he watches this person during the day, which is completely fine, but in bed I obviously would not be able to escape it). He will stop watching this person for a few days and then turn on one of their videos. I will struggle to sleep while this person talks and will ask him to please change the video, and it causes my partner to say, "I don't know why you hate him, he's not doing anything you hate, he's not saying anything that affects you," etc.
I am not trying to overly restrict him. He has a lot else he can--and does--watch. He can watch these people/programs during the day with no problems. I just do not want to try to sleep with them on the TV. Is that asking too much? How can I compromise further so that I'm not getting too good of a deal here, while he's having to give too much up?
TL;DR Partner needs TV on while he winds down/goes to sleep. I hate it, but have compromised by saying he can watch anything except these few things. At least once a week he will put on something on the list anyway. What compromise can be made here?