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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRABluebirdOk771 on 2024-01-22 07:36:22+00:00.
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So for a bit of background, my wife and I are 36 and 37 respectively. We've been married for 11 years and have three kids together. After our third child was born 3 years ago she got the "itch" and suggested we have a more open relationship. I was initially apprehensive about it as I struggle with jealousy, but I had also been worried that my wife was becoming tied down as a mom and that she was losing the crazy, sexy person she was when we first started dating. As a husband, I want my wife to be happy more than anything else, so I eventually agreed to the idea.
When we started, my wife seemed so happy and a lot more confident, which was enough to convince me that I made the right decision. I remember the first night she had a date with another guy how excited she was while getting all dolled up for him. When I saw her after she'd been with someone I noticed she was a lot more patient with the kids than usual and seemed generally relaxed. I was so happy for her that I didn't even care if her boyfriends cut into my time with her, I just wanted them to keep doing whatever it was that put her in such a good mood.
Everything was going well until one day I brought up a woman I was interested in. She was quite a bit younger than us which my wife had a problem with because she thought that she was irresponsible and it would be bad for the kids. This bothered me a bit because my wife had been seeing younger men and there were a few I didn't really like but I still never told her what to do. I met this other woman who was around my age that I really liked, however my wife was being a bit weird about it. After a couple of dates we decided to spend a night together. When I told my wife she said we need to "have a talk". She said she didn't want me seeing other women. I didn't think it was fair that she got to see other people while I wasn't allowed to, so we decided to end the open arrangement.
After a couple of months my wife came to me saying she wanted to have another "talk". She basically told me that she had been having thoughts about cheating since we stopped being open with our marriage and that she was worried if I didn't let her have sex with other men she might do it anyway. She said the only reason she wasn't comfortable with me seeing other women was that it made her feel less secure in our marriage. Although I was bit taken aback, I appreciated my wife being so transparent with me and decided to respect her needs. I let my wife be with other men while I kept myself to her, which I didn't mind as long as she was happy and we still had a loving marriage.
This has been the arrangement in our marriage since early 2022. In the past few months, I haven't been feeling so good about things. I find myself looking after the kids on my own a lot more while my wife goes out on dates and it makes me feel a bit humiliated. We still have a healthy sex life with each other but she isn't always that into it and sometimes just says she's too tired for sex. I've told a few relatives and close friends about our relationship and a lot of them have been telling me that I'm being used, which I got upset at them for a few times because I felt like they were judging us.
TL;DR: My wife wants to be allowed to fulfill her needs with other men but doesn't want me to do the same with other women.
Overall, I'm feeling a bit conflicted and need some advice. Is this an acceptable arrangement or am I being taken advantage of by my wife?