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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Free_Definition586 on 2024-01-22 07:31:44+00:00.
I've been in an on and off "situationship" with my ex for a little over a year. I would say we are like best friends. We hang out a lot, talk often (sometimes we won't talk for a couple of weeks), sometimes sleep together, cuddle and go out and do things together. He gives me the best advice when I'm in need, I can't count on him and vice versa.. both us know that we hold special places in our hearts for one another.. back story of relationship: We dated in the beginning of 2021 and broke up August of that year. We had a lot of miscommunication.. and I was devastated for a long time.
Anyway, it's not that I want to get back with him.. I like being able to explore what's out there and date (I really don't date that much though)
But, I always have these thoughts that my ex and I will get back together. We have such a close bound.. I could see myself with him and support him forever. I love him past his looks, I love his flaws, I love his soul. But.. he doesnt feel the same. He said he loves me, but we aren't compatible.. he claims he doesn't understand feelings. He doesn't feel. And he doesn't see himself being with anyone and that relationships are not for him. He claims that he loves having me around, he cares about me a lot and that I'm one of the closest people to him. But the idea of getting back together... ever.. is off the table.
We had this convo many times, and I always give in and try to accept that reality.. but then once again that "what if he changes his mind?" Thoughts come rolling in again..
I don't want to let him go, because he's one of my bestest friends. But I also believe I deserve to find someone who will be my bestest friend and commit to me.. I'm 31f and I would like to settle down and have a future with someone. It takes time building a close bond and surely he isn't the only one I can get this close to.
So idk what to do.. I've tried to date, and I haven't had luck. I'm wondering if it's because I'm subconsciously not opening myself up? dating takes a lot of commitment and I would be lying If I've said I've put all my effort. Part of me tells me to cut my ex off, but I'm also not ready to lose that friendship. I believe that keeping my ex around I will continue to live in this delusion that someday we will be together or he'll change his mind. I'm scared to lose him. The problem is is that this does not affect him whether I'm in his life or not. He completely understands if I have to cut him out and he has told me he doesn't want me to be hurt. I'm the one that has emotion in this.
We both admit that we are using each other to a certain extent I am his emotional blanket, giving him his cake, and I am also using him for the same thing. He he doesn't wanna lose me, but he is fine either way.
I don't know whether it's best to keep them around and continue to date until I find someone or if I cut the cord and learn to live without him? Eventually I will find someone who will except at the same characteristics and caring miss that I desire, and want to reciprocate.
What should I do?
TLDR: I'm inn an on-and-off "situationship" with my ex, enjoying a close bond with shared emotions. Despite wanting to explore other relationships, I harbor thoughts of getting back together. My ex claims he loves you but sees no future together due to perceived incompatibility. I'm torn between holding onto the friendship or cutting ties to open yourself up to new possibilities. My ex has become one of my best friends, so I'm so conflicted.