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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-159 on 2024-01-22 07:04:09+00:00.
Tl;dr is at the end.
Tonight, I (F28) was talking to my husband (M30) about wanting to write about my traumas/struggles and how I've been overcoming them to help other people. In the middle of talking, he called his friend because he noticed him driving on the same street. He didn't even say, "Can you hold that thought while I call my friend?" He just called him and I only realized it because I saw "Calling James" pop up on the screen. He apologized for it and asked me to continue after he briefly spoke to him.
As frustrating as it was, I thought I'd shake it off and continue talking, but I forgot where I was. He said it was about wanting to write a book, but I had said more after that point. At that point, I got upset and felt like not only was it rude to cut me off and call someone in the middle of my talking about something important for me, but now it felt like he wasn't really listening to me.
I briefly mentioned this, and then decided not to talk anymore. He apologized again and I said it's okay, he doesn't have to apologize twice. Even though I said it was okay, I was still hurt by it because it's not like I could just switch to being happy and acting like nothing happened. It was silent in the car for about 5 minutes until we got back home.
I told him I was going to feed my cats. Right afterward I had a sudden urge to poop, so I did. My husband walked in around 15 minutes later or so asking if everything's okay, I said yes and that I'm just pooping. When I finished, he asked if we can talk about what happened in the car. I said yes, after I shower.
So we talked about it after I showered, and he apologized again and said he'll be better at listening and engaging with me after he asked me what he could do to help me feel better about what happened. I told him I just have to see action moving forward, because he's done similar things nunerous times before and we've talked about it in premarital counseling.
So while things are fine now, I can't help but wonder if I was unintentionally punishing him or if he's just saying that to make me feel bad?
We have marriage counseling this week, but I'm looking for insight in the meantime. Right now I can only think that I could have been better at communicating how I felt in the car, but I don't see any reason to apologize to him because I don't think I did anything wrong to him.
tl;dr My husband called his friend while I was in the middle of talking to him. When he didn't remember where I was with talking, I decided to not talk about it anymore because I felt disrespected and not listened to. He apologized, but said he felt like he was being punished when I stopped talking.