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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Budget-Resort7186 on 2024-01-22 06:44:54+00:00.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We call and text pretty much everyday because right now we are long distance. However, this past week he has not been as available and each time I called him we only talked for about 10-20 minutes and every call ended with him having to go do some work on the computer or take care of something around the apartment/ work. I fully trust him and he has never given me any reason not to. His job does require to work a lot so his unavailability is not weird or a concern to me. But this past week specifically when he has had free time, I have not felt like a priority. This whole past weekend he did not call me once. I wanted to see how long it would take him to call me on his own. As a result of this, on Saturday, we went hours without talking to each other until I finally caved and called him. And when we did talk on the phone I was frustrated with his lack of communication. But I never communicated how I felt and the reason why I felt the way I did. When he asked me if “something was up” I told him there was no problem…even though deep down there was. Today, I went about my typical Sunday routine which included going to church in the morning. After church I went out with Julie (a girl from church) and her boyfriend and we all met up with a group of guys that were watching a football game and drinking beer. The whole time my boyfriend and I were texting and I told him that I was with a “group”. Later on, after the game, the group of guys, Julie, and I all got sandwiched and decided to watch a show back at Julie’s dorm room (We all live in dormitories). While I was watching the show with everyone, my boyfriend messaged me and asked me what I was doing. I was hesitant to tell him that I had been with a bunch of guys drinking with them for the majority of the afternoon. Eventually, he texted me telling me that I had been very suspicious this whole weekend. I called him immediately to sort out all the details and explain myself to him. Obviously, he was not happy that I had been out drinking with a bunch of guys. I tried to explain to him that although they were new friends that they were all good people from either church or bible studies that I had attended. I have never lied to him and have never ever given him a reason not to trust me. Even though I found it super difficult to tell him that I was out drinking with guys, I was still forthcoming about it. I tried to apologize, but he did not want to hear it. I asked him if he was mad and upset with me and he responded back telling me to stop asking because it was getting weird that I kept asking. He told me that I was changing in a bad way. That I was not the same person he started dating. And that this was not what he signed up for. He also said that he felt like he couldn’t trust me and that if he couldn’t trust me there was no point in a relationship. I told him that I felt like our communication had been super off and weird lately. I understand that I should have told him over text that I was with guys drinking when he asked me the first time over text, instead of waiting to tell him over the phone. I know I’m in the wrong for that. I also know that I should have said something about our communication issue the second I felt it was off. We ended our phone call very awkwardly because we were both being silent. I told him that I really missed him and that I really wanted to fix the communication issue or whatever issue it was that we are having. He didn’t have much to say about this except that he just “agreed”. I asked him if I could talk to him tomorrow and he said yes. However, things just feel super weird between us still and I don’t know how to move forward. Do I text him and explain further? Act like everything is fine? Wait until we call tomorrow? This is my first long distance relationship and this is also the first time that I have faced this issue with him supposedly not being able to trust me. I don’t know what to do or say and feel so sad about all of this. Please help people of Reddit!
TL; DR: My boyfriend had to ask me twice before I told him that I was out drinking with guys because I was hesitant to tell him and now he doesn’t trust me.