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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/poachedegggirl on 2024-01-22 02:48:56+00:00.
TLDR at the bottom. Don’t know where to start with this, still in shock. I (28F) just found out my best friend (27M) (someone I consider my brother) of 10 years has abused multiple women.
I am actually sobbing as a I type this. When I tell you I had no idea. I considered him to be one of the most level headed people I knew. In my 10 years of knowing him I have seen him get scammed, cheated, disrespected and he has never reacted in any way other than complete positivity. I always admired how he was able to keep his cool and navigate tough situations. I have never seen him raise his voice. All of our mutual friends love him and I don’t personally know a single person who’s so much as had a disagreement with him. Yet the truth remains this: he has physically abused MULTIPLE women. Women I have never met because he’s said they’re one off flings or dates that never turned into a second date. And I BELIEVED HIM!
I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like I should’ve noticed, should’ve said asked more questions. Everything feels like a red flag now, like why did I think anyone could be that chill and not have a fucked up side? I think about all the women I introduced him to, how they’re fucking lucky he didn’t hurt them.
I am struggling so much, this has completely changed my worldview.
He didn’t outright deny the claims, he just said “it wasn’t what it looked like.” All he could do was apologise to me for putting me through this. He was mostly silent on the phone when I called him out and asked him about the claims that I heard about.
I’ve donated to every DV shelter in my city. I have removed him from all my socials. We were almost starting a business together. That’s obviously done now.
I haven’t sent him a final closure text. Since our last phone call (the one in which I called him out about the accusations) I removed all images tags pics etc from all socials. This all happened less than 24 hours ago so I feel like I’m still in shock. Like he would’ve been the person to walk me down the aisle.
How do I navigate this? I need to send him a final text but I’m honestly scared now. I will change all my locks and I don’t live alone (2 roommates, one F and one M), he didn’t seem mad at me on the phone and he’s never done anything to make me scared in the past but now I feel like I don’t know how to end our friendship.
If I tell him how I really feel I’m scared he will come for me, he knows things about me as we’ve been friends for a long time that I’m worried he’d use against me.
If I end our friendship in a nice way I feel fake. I feel like I’m not standing behind the women that he hurt.
Please advise me on how you would give closure/send that last text.
TL;DR: Just found out my friend of 10 years is an abuser. Need advice on how to word my closure text on ending the friendship.