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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Desperate-Kale9002 on 2024-01-22 02:14:51+00:00.
TLDR: My (24m) girlfriend (23f) often says I look boring and wants me to change how I dress I’m a lurker and I rarely post but I need some advice.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we have talked about getting married in the next 2-3 years.
I would say we are happy. We get along, have some shared interests like metal music and have great conversation. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to my best friend rather than a partner.
The problem lies in our “aesthetics”. We are complete opposites looks-wise. If you’ve ever seen that TikTok trend of couples being a black cat girlfriend and golden retriever boyfriend duo, that’s us.
I look like a typical American guy, lightish brown hair and blue eyes, plus we live close to a beach town so I tend to dress very casual and surf a lot. She dyes her hair black and wears heavy makeup. I think it’s goth style but she calls it something else—alternative I believe. Keeping up with her appearance is very important to her.
I’m attracted to her no matter how she looks, but she has admitted more than once to wishing I dressed more like her. I’m open to changing some things about my appearance, but the way she says it makes me feel like she isn’t attracted to me at all. Or maybe she thinks I’m a project or something. She has specifically said that I look boring and basic to her and often shows me photos and TikToks of goth-dressing men she thinks are attractive.
I don’t even know where to start. On one hand I’m not attached to my wardrobe so part of me thinks I should do this for her. But on the other hand this makes it sound like her love is proportional based on how I look. Will it actually make her attracted to me? should I feel hurt about this since I don’t even feel attached to my own style?
Any advice would be appreciated.