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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Shakeke_sunflower on 2024-01-21 20:02:08+00:00.
Hiii!
I would really love some clarity or advice from the community.
I (25 F) recently went away with my partner (26 M). Everything was going so well, we were both so in love.
We went out one night with my best friend let’s call her Rachel, the vibes were immaculate and Rachel and I wanted to go to the smokers area. I invited my partner to come, he smokes quite a bit of weed but recently decided to stop as it became too much of an issue for him. He declined the invitation and continued dancing. While we were outside we ran into a man who use to date Rachel’s little sister, he offered us a joint and we smoked a little and left.
When I came back to my partner he was furious, he thought it was inexcusable that I accepted a joint from another man. He went on a whole rampage talking about how he should have gotten with the girls who approached him. He yelled at me the whole taxi ride home and then got straight into bed.
The next day he took some space in the morning and left in a very cold manner. While he was out I got his favourite treats and waited for him in the hotel room. I sent him a cute text apologising but when he got back he broke up with me.
He was still furious talking about how he can’t date a ‘thein’, he went on about retaliating with other women, he insulted me a little by minimising me to be a party girl. (Side note: we both know this isn’t true, he’s out much more than me and we often try to use my hobbies to inspire him).
I cried and apologised profusely but it wasn’t enough. I tried to fight for him but he was way too angry, I respected his decision and booked a flight back home the same day. He did tell me I could stay but he was going to do his own thing.
I sent a text 3 days later after no contact. I let him know it wasn’t cool for him to yell, threaten to retaliate or minimise me because he was angry. He was even angrier than he was before, his perception was completely skewed and he didn’t take any accountability. He told me that he still feels that he should have retaliated. He let me know that he has been crying and upset but he wants us to forget about each other completely and remove all trace of each other from our lives. He was extremely rude so I wished him well and left him alone, he told me he couldn’t wish me well and doesn’t wish the best for me.
Please let me know what’s going on? I apologised for crossing a boundary I didn’t know about. I invited him to come, I let the man we were smoking with know all about him straight away. He was also my friend’s ex and nothing would have ever happened. There was absolutely zero flirting. I kept my cool the whole time he was yelling, heard him out and told him I would never do it again but it wasn’t enough. Why is he so angry at me I can’t understand? He was so cruel in his hurt, he is a little of a hot head but this is nothing I have seen before. He told me he was holding himself back from saying even worse things.
Despite all of this, I get the feeling he wants me to chase him and beg. After saying to leave him alone he sent a load more rude/ argumentative messages. Does anyone have experience with this type of rage from a partner? Are they ever able to see things a little more objectively? He was also my best friend and being on horrible terms upsets me more than anything. If it’s the last time we’re going to talk why does it have to be horrible?
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk! X
TL; DR: My boyfriend & I were on holiday and having a great time. He raged at me for smoking another man’s joint. He broke up with me and is being super cruel. Why is he so angry? Will he ever see things more objectively?