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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/divinissima on 2024-01-19 12:21:17+00:00.
Me and my husband have been married for almost 3 years. He is an orphan, he was left at the hospital the day he was born and never got to know who his parents were. He was then adopted by a wealthy family and joined the military like his adoptive father wanted. This gave him a great desire to have a big family, to have his own biological children so he could have someone truly related to him in his life, but also help out troubled kids like him.
We had 2 very close pregnancies, the first of which resulted in twins, and we now have 3 babies to care for. In the meantime he managed to become a legal tutor for 2 teen boys coming from criminal or broken families who are now living with us. I need to take care of everything at home and it has become overwhelming despite all the love and affection we have for each other. His adoptive family helps us, but mine is absent from my life since before we had children. Every minute of my day necessarily goes into house chores and taking care of the family, my social life and hope to finish my education are long dead. I feel stuck in a never ending amount of work that will never be finished and that will make me miss out on meaningful experiences.
TL;DR!I am grateful for having a family that is built on common effort and love, unlike my birth family, and I dont want to be a reason of problem. But im feeling so overwhelmed and I dont know how to talk to my husband without disappointing him or making things harder for him. I just dont think im gonna be bale to get used to this, its too much work and I hate the fact that every day ends and I have not been able to even read a few pages of a book, to go out for something fun, to talk to a friend. I feel smothered.
We never had a babysitter or housekeeper, you should know he feels very strongly about making it on our own, he dislikes accepting money from his "family" (he was adopted quite late and he never calls them mom and dad, he has always felt like a guest in their house and feels like they already helped him so much) neither he likes the idea of strangers taking care of the house and the kids. He cares a lot about the fact that I should be the one doing all this, because im the person he has chosen to be his wife and not some random housekeeper. And it was fine when the amount of work was still manageable to me, but now I dont have any time left for myself, so he might need to reconsider that. I am not excited about telling him this though
Edit: I have a longer post in which I explain things more in details in case someone has questions and has the time to read that;