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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Otherwise-Double1114 on 2024-01-19 08:26:09+00:00.
TL;DR Girl came into my life unexpectedly, changed my outlook entirely, I wasn't ready for her, two years later i still have feelings for her and she's giving off incredibly mixed signals.
Okay, so this is gonna take a minute to get out..
A little preface, I've never really dated or done much in the realm of relationships. Trauma from my mom left me with a huge distrust for women in general, and that's held strong for years, at least until about two years ago when my friend introduced me to his fiancés younger sister. I was incredibly hesitant because of that trauma, even though I'd been deployed, stationed overseas, etc. But I was going home for holiday leave and gonna see my buddy and his fiancé anyways, so I might as well see whom they're talking about right?
But when they introduced us, it was almost love at first sight. We got along amazingly, and I could just feel that warm smile and personality start melting away all that ice and jadedness I'd built up over the years. I'd always been a bit cold to people, not any fault of their own, I'd just never really been the warm type, but I swear she melted all that away in almost an instant.
But this wasn't to last sadly. I loved her, and two years later I still do, we dated for about 7 months, but it was rough. She was my first relationship in 5 or so years, I was getting sent back overseas, and I truly wanted to make it work, but I just couldn't at the moment, I admit that. It was completely foreign territory for me, and I didn't give her the time she deserved, nor the attention she deserved, especially being long distance. So we split, mostly on my accord because frankly I knew she deserved better, and I couldn't give her what she deserved. It broke my heart, and it broke hers. But we got along even as friends still. It hurt a bit that she found a new guy within about two months, and it seemed like she moved on pretty fast, but she had no obligation to me so I had no right to be upset.
We still got along as friends, and over the years both her sister and my friend (her sisters fiancé) Kept telling me how she still had feelings for me, and how she was hesitant to get into new relationships because of her feelings for me (She had directly said this to them).
Fast forward to this year, I've reflected on my mistakes, my shortcomings and worked hard on them over the past year and a half. I've recognized what I did wrong, and worked on it all just so I could be the man I should have been two years ago, and I've genuinely improved. She invited me to see her, and so I went and saw her for about a week. I still had feelings for her, and I had to get them off my chest, so I just told her straight up. I wasn't confessing all of this to persuade or alter her perception or views, I just needed all this off my chest for both my mental health's sake, and that I might not get the chance to say this in person for a hot minute, and sending such a sensitive topic over text wouldn't do. I told her how I felt, how I felt like I could do and would do infinitely better than I had previously, that I was willing to do anything to make it work. She gave me a Luke warm response, she couldn't emotionally commit to another relationship at the moment due to a previous BF mentally messing her up (I completely understand), and that she had considered the idea of a relationship with me while i was driving out to see her, but with her current state, rushing into another relationship would only end with us both hurt again. I agreed and understood what she meant, but she said that if things lined up in the future then who knows, hopefully. So I left feeling conflicted as all hell.
Fast forward to this week, we were playing games on discord as a group and she got incredibly excited and giddy over getting a girls number (She's Bi) That she had a crush on. Everyone in the call knows how I feel, knows what's happened between us, and its been unanimous so far that she shouldn't have done that while I was there. I was equal parts hurt and a bit mad, so I just excused myself and went to bed, deciding to leave it. I didn't want to say anything spiteful or out of emotion, so I just didn't say anything really. But everyone present kind of gave her the "You fucked up, apologize" treatment, and eventually she just texted me after a few days saying I hated her guts just for having a sliver of happiness. To cut the entire conversation down to a few points, She basically said it was my fault for getting mad, and that it was my issue for "Not being able to let something go" and that she wasn't going to apologize for being happy. I told her that she was WAY more than just "Something" to me, and that I needed a solid answer, how does she feel. It felt like she did a 180 and straight up said "I got over you, and will be over you. I no longer have romantic interest in you and haven't for a long time. I don't give second chances"
What she said is completely contradictory to what she'd said to her sister and my friend 6 months ago, and even her sister said that she feels like this is all BS, and that "This doesn't sound like my sister at all."
This all happened today, and I'm still in a state of disarray, sorry if this is jumbled or disjointed. I'm just trying to get some outside perspective on this, there's so much contradiction in what she says to me vs what she says to her sister. Did I fuck up? What does she mean by all this? I'm going to respect her and just drop my emotions for her since I still value her as a friend and she values me as one, but i just need help unraveling all this. Any input is appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read this.