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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/InTheTextBook on 2024-01-19 08:06:18+00:00.
My boyfriend(18M) went on a study abroad program to Germany last year which will last a year, he is not allowed to leave the country. I went away to college in California and we have been doing long-distance for about 6 months now. We have been having relationship struggles recently and broke up on New Year for about two weeks. He recently sent flowers to my dorm to try to show that he is putting in effort. I initiated this breakup after he went with his friends drinking in a field and didn't bother to tell me. I communicate where I go and what I do while I am in college because he overthinks a lot and I just got so tired of it since I don't get the same communication back. I trust him a lot and I know there is no cheating going on, he is very monogamous. There have just been so many mess-ups that I have been building resentment. I don't want to list anything but these have been big things like forgetting my birthday (I got a text saying "Oh shit I forgot happy birthday". No gift or anything, in fact, I took him out roller skating and to dinner with my best friend from high school to make up for it and paid for it myself. This was at the beginning of the relationship and he has made an effort to improve himself for me. He is very sweet for example he always buys me flowers and pays when we go on dates (I pay as well don't worry). But, we have been planning this trip for me to come visit him. I started planning last year and made a savings account for it, he said it made him so unbelievably happy. I even started a google slides to plan everything, he didn't really touch it at all. I put a lot of effort into the slides including the hostel and flights and the days that we would travel. I tried to make plans for winter and I even had all my papers ready to get my passport renewed, this was canceled last minute as his family wanted to come see him instead. His mom is a delta flight attendant so they all got to go for free on standby. I understand not being invited and am not upset about that but I am very close with them (His mom got me Lululemon for Christmas and we have dinners all the time). But it was the only time where I could have stayed for longer than a week, making the cost of the ticket less stressful and worth it. He would be the one paying for the hostel and food for a week. It also stung as I had been planning this just to have it canceled. I asked him to show effort and plan it but he says he's frustrated with himself because he doesn't understand why it doesn't excite him at all to plan anything. Now, I told him about all the sex we would have if we planned it, only now he is on board. Specifically, I would suck his dick every morning (which I do regularly when we are together). Only now, it is really expensive compared to if we just planned it early. I am talking $1,000 flights from lax to Frankfurt. If we broke up again I don't think I would want to visit him when we both come back home, just out of respect for myself. I love him so very much and I wouldn't want to break it off. Can anyone help me understand why he feels this way or his perspective?
TL;DR:
In summary, my boyfriend and I, who is studying abroad in Germany, have been in a long-distance relationship for about six months. I am in college and he is taking a gap year. Recent relationship struggles led to a brief breakup initiated by you. Despite issues like communication gaps and past mistakes, he sent flowers as a gesture of effort. However, you're still dealing with resentment over various incidents, including canceled plans for your visit. Your boyfriend struggles to find excitement in planning, and your attempt to motivate him with the prospect of intimacy resulted in a more expensive trip. Despite love for him, you're seeking an understanding of his perspective.