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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MomentIllustrious184 on 2024-01-19 06:02:34+00:00.
I don’t know how to bring this up to him in a way that would be helpful. I’ve mentioned it before and he got upset. He said he felt insulted because it sounded like I was accusing him of being an alcoholic, and that I should trust him more to know when enough is enough.
Now let me preface with saying I do NOT think he is an alcoholic. I just have a family history of alcoholics and his behavior just gives me a bunch of warning signals that he might develop an alcohol problem in the years to come. It scares me and worries me, and I want to make sure it never gets to that.
He will have a drink or two with dinner a couple nights a week, but also binges a few times a month. He will have 8-10 drinks in one night, and said that he “needs that much to feel it.” He later told me that’s how he always has been but I’m worried he has built up a slight tolerance, he used to drink maybe 6 or 7 at parties and such. After googling it, he would be considered a “moderate drinker” but he also is a binge drinker which increases risk of alcohol abuse more than just having two drinks a night.
He works a job that is social and encourages drink related activities after hours, and the majority of his coworkers are alcoholics. His best friend is a severe alcoholic. Since being at this job his drinking increased significantly. He never gets blackout drunk, and “knows his limit” I just see him reaching it more often.
I just worry that in 5 years he will have a problem and should be more mindful about drinking now. I’m not trying to be controlling but I can’t stand to think about future consequences and I know how easy it is to slip into alcoholism. I trust him as much as I can but I don’t like these patterns I see, I’m worried. I know he drinks probably less than the average American man but 1/3 of Americans are alcoholics. I’m sure some of my concern is from my history with alcoholic family, but regardless it’s something I’m not comfortable with just dropping.
How can I bring this up without making him feel attacked? How should I bring it up? Is this something to be concerned about? I’ll be bringing it up to him regardless but I want to know how you all feel about it. Any other advice for me?
TLDR: how should I tell my boyfriend that his drinking habits make me worried about a future alcohol problem without it being taken personally?