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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lunabiie on 2024-01-19 05:26:23+00:00.
My partner(34F) and I(29F) have been together for 9 years now. We have A LOT of things we don't agree with, but we do try our best to understand eachother. I've made some friends in the past 3 years online that came to visit me in September, and just a few days ago, one of them came to visit me again. I do notice that I do act slightly differently with my friends than I do with my partner. I'm not as affectionate with my partner as I am with him when we are alone, and it's not because I intentionally ignore him or anything, I simply just don't even realize that I'm doing it because I'm trying so hard to make sure my friends are having a good time while they are in my state visiting, or I'm just trying to have a good time with my friends. My partner mentioned this in September as he noticed it and wasn't pleased, and he also mentioned it today, but I honestly don't even realize that I'm doing it. If he asks for a kiss or a hug I will of course oblige, but I don't reach out for affection because I'm SO focused on keeping my friends happy. Not sure what to do or how I can become more aware of not being affectionate to my partner, as I don't want this to continue being an issue. I just want to have a good time with friends I see like, once every year or 2 years, but I guess what I'm doing is what single people do? I don't know, but I don't want this to continue to be an issue. Please give me any advise you can. Thank you!
tldr: How can I stop acting differently with my friends than with my partner?