this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] [email protected] 88 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Look! In the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane! No! It's Superman fucking his cousin!

Really though she probably is the only one who can take his load without it blowing out the top of her skull.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian

Why exactly would the author jump to this conclusion? First it’s noted that Superman has precise muscle control. He can and has altered his voice using such a technique. Second he says it right there, he’s not terrestrial. Why would he have the same involuntary spasms from orgasm as an earthling? Even if he didn’t have his super muscular control there’s no cannon on how goofy a face kryptonians make when they nut.

It goes on to say the sperm cells would be super powered, but they probably need a steady dose of yellow sunlight before they’re ripping holes in ovaries.

This isn’t even getting into the theory that Superman isn’t super strong, he’s just a very powerful short range telekinetic psychic. Save that one for another time.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (4 children)

My friend, that eassy was written in 1969.

Much of what your sighting wasn't cannon yet, and given the internet didn't exist, nor did the kind of nerd culture we have today, it's entirely reasonable for a writer at the time to not be expected to have encyclopedic knowledge of Superman canon. Insofar as there even was true canon given it was the twilight of the Silver Age, when "bonkers" was the name of the game.

Moreover, that eassy is pretty famous for being such a candid, deep dive into such a silly topic but bringing up something most people at the time hadn't considered. This was 1969, published in a mens magazine, by a sci-fi writer, that basically took on meme status. It's pretty obviously not meant to be taken seriously.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

Overly serious people on the internet are unable to contextualize a piece of speculative literature given the time and place in which it was written? On my Lemmy instance? Never...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I know but I wouldn’t be an anonymous nerd if I didn’t respond to it in fashion. 😃

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Wonder woman could handle it.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

The batmobile too.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

LL did. She and Superman have had kids over the years.

The whole Injustice timeline is based on Superman being tricked into killing Louis and their unborn child.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 8 months ago (2 children)

LL = Lex Luther and you can't tell me otherwise

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

No, it's clearly Lana Lang. Wait a minute...

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

ight I'm out

[–] [email protected] 61 points 8 months ago

Clark was raised on a farm. It still checks out.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 8 months ago (7 children)

I mean, she's the only one who could handle his ballistic sperm, no? 🤔

[–] southsamurai 17 points 8 months ago (3 children)

CUMINCIDE

Came from an alien star Came to bend you over a bar.

Dna not a factor, balls a nuclear reactor

Taking all your women Filling them with semen

I come, she dies, I come, she dies, I come, she dies, I come!

Super powered jets of white, filling you up with spite

Giant, throbbing cock of might; Slamming your wife all damn night.

Ramming your children too, object and I'll fuck you

You die, I come, you die, I come, you die, I come, you die!

Spreading our race across the galaxy, conquest by spreading seed.

Our weapon lethal ejaculation, Killing by insemination

Superior jizm, final cataclysm!

You die, I come, you die, I come, you die, I come, you die, I come, you die, I come, you die, I come, you die!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

DO YOU WANT MAKE FUCK? BERZERKER

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] southsamurai 6 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Lmao!

That is what happens when you're hanging out with a death metal band, and start joking about Superman jizzing and blowing Lois' head off during sex.

I started writing, and about twenty minutes later, there was a riff, and a bass line. The drummer wasn't up to a good blast beat lol.

It got recorded, but ended up tossed out lol. Afaik, the files are gone totally, but I kept the note on my phone :)

Like, can you imagine a bunch of aliens dressed like GWAR, but spreading through the universe like Omniman's people (from the comic/show invincible, if you haven't ever run across the reference) to fuck their way to dominance? They either kill you by fucking you, or they breed you to make more of themselves.

The guys were all high and half drunk, so there were joking plans for a sequel from the female aliens' perspective, and then a final one when one of the offspring decided to take them out with its monster cock the size of a baseball bat by masturbating and exploding the original aliens. I doubt I'll ever write those sequels lol.

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[–] TheRealLinga 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If you just wrote this I am thoroughly impressed...

and very turned on ;)

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I see someone else is a Larry Niven fan.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Counterpoint: Wonder Woman.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Fun fact: Both Einstein and Darwin married their first cousins.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Darwin should have known better.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 8 months ago (3 children)

To his defense, the theory about genetics weren't discovered yet during his lifetime.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Also to his defense his cousin was hot.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

For the lazy yet curious.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Though I think it was already known that the union between close relatives has the tendency to create sickly offspring.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Close relatives, yes, but not so much with cousins. And it wasn't until Darwin that they truly started to grasp what was going on.

It's easy to spot the recurring issue of diseased/sickly/malformed offspring with incest between siblings, or between parents and children, because the rate of birth defects is much higher. Fourfold, in fact.

Cousins didn't produce them nearly as much, so it wasn't an obvious enough trend. It's perfectly possible for first cousins to have healthy offspring more than half the time. In fact some studies have found the risk of genetic defeats is not much higher than a regular couple where the women is over the age of 40. Which is to say, it's low, but not low enough to ignore. There's also a lot of other factors involved especially when it comes to closed ethnic groups that tend to only reproduce amongst themselves.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Actually, they kind of were. By him.

He's the one that put forth the theories about the benefits of crossbreeding and the risks of inbreeding. He studied it in plants and wrote several books on it.

And yes, when his first daughter died at 10, the first of 3 that would die young, he worried a great deal it was because of his marriage to his cousin. He didn't have the facts or the data to prove it, but he had a very good inkling as to why 3 of his 10 kids died young and some of the ones that lived were infertile.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

He was married and having kids before his theories had fully taken shape.

But he did know, or at least suspected, he'd made a mistake after the death of his first daughter. But he also had healthy children too, so he couldn't say anything unequivocally.

He ended up being a case study for his own theory, and he was well aware of it.

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[–] thecrotch 43 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Krypton doesn't have a south anymore

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago

If Kal-El landed in Alabama instead of Kansas.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago (3 children)

yeah, but cousins by marriage... not blood. its cool.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Oh no step cousin I'm trapped in this kryptonite washing machine.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 8 months ago (2 children)

My wife and I go for Halloween as Luke and Leia before they knew they were siblings.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

We went as a priest and a nun one year. Figure that one out, armchair Freuds.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

I think pot should be legal, I do. I also think if your cousin is super-hot, you should be able to fuck one time. - Dave Attell

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

Yes, but so are they.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Nah, Supergirl is a protoplasmic matrix from a pocket universe.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Gotta keep that bloodline pure. European royalty already tried this for generations and it all worked out fine.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

I know comics and even today I will fuck tomorrow yay!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Is she canonically his first cousin?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)
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