this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2023
79 points (97.6% liked)

Transfem

3461 readers
157 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]

Some helpful links:

Support Hotlines:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
79
After the last male fail, went out boy mode again, also surprise visit from my mom and grandparents (i.pinimg.com)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
NSFW 32 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

This time I decided I should probably conceal carry. I’ve done it before, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing, or am generally unsafe with a firearm. I went to the bar I used to cook for, and after I got in, this hick just loudly proclaimed every minority by slur they didn’t like and wished them all dead. He basically only liked white Christian cis-heteronormative people 🤷. This is not the first time I’ve heard this kind of hate to me and my family, so I’m unsurprised. I sit and have a light beer and a shot, and wait while everyone leaves. I got to talk to the bartenders, about nails, some stories about ex boyfriends, plans for the future, catch up about what happened since I left, minus my transition of course. She said I look good. Said my arms have thinned, my hair is back, I’ve lost weight, I look younger, etc. All stuff that made me feel good. I thanked them for talking to me, the one lady started to cry, she was sweet enough for an industry girl, and understood if you treat me well I’ll move mountains for you if I can. Kinda made me feel pathetic that I was thanking a bartender for talking to me like a person, but I don’t get much of that anymore.

Today my mom (who knows and is transphobia white Christian nationalist incarnate) came by with her parents (liberal-light). They drove for hours to come visit, it was actually nice. My live in family all calls me Jessie, but only my partner knows why. So they are all referring to me as Jessie, my mom is asking people if they want dessert and she deadnames me stumbles over it, gets upset (not mad, but emotionally upset), and I tell her no thank you, that it’s okay, that she’s good, and she keeps walking to the cheesecake and apologizes and asks again, and I tell her no thank you, that I don’t eat like I used to while I walked to her, hug her and hold her while she kinda cries. “I tell her it’s okay, that I love her, that I’m willing to meet her halfway, that I know it’s hard, that I’m not mad, that it’s all good, that we’re all good. She hugs me tight and tighter and cries. I cry. Even if it isn’t understood, in that moment of cooperation, we had an understanding, she’s trying, and I’m here to calmly be the best child I can in helping her have a relationship with me if she’s willing.

We texted when she got home, she wants to come back, talk more, not holding my breath for a breakthrough, but I’m hopeful that she might do some personal growth and come to accept me as me, even if I have to lie a bit and just be Non-Binary butch when she sees me on the random holiday.

One day at a time I suppose.

Attached is my handgun, but not my picture, with all the threatening bullshit I’ve been getting, I’m gonna get back in the habit of having a edc again.

I pray y’all are in safer places, but what do you all carry for protection?

Edit to fix typos and add, I’m loaded with Hornady .380 Critical Defense

Edit 2: replace original opening text with the same text but citing a hyperlink to florida law re-iterating that I do indeed know what I am doing and didn't do anything illegal where I live or break any rules.

all 35 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago (3 children)

16 comments and nobody said anything about the evangelion purple? Sick gun color, fam.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

Thanks, I’m in love with it. I want to get some nice aftermarket grips for it, but it’s not as popular a platform as some of the Glocks I.e. so pickings are slimmer

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

We're a community for gun owning LGBTQ+

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/armedqweers !armedqweers/lemmy.blahaj.zone

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Fancy seeing you here ^.^

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Forget tactical camo or gunmetal black. Gimme something so garishly bright and colorful, all I have to do is brandish it to daze and confuse any would be attacker without firing a single shot.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Oof, that sucks that you have to carry for protection. I live in Minnesota and I don't carry anything for protection here as I feel pretty safe, although I'd never visit a rural area alone. It's always alarming to me whenever I see a gun as I was raised in a very anti-gun environment and my only pro-gun view I have is that the left shouldn't disarm themselves while the right is currently heavily armed. Because of that, I see conceal carry as an extreme measure to take, but I understand why you would be doing that if you are in Florida. I hope you are able to get out of Florida to somewhere safer.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago

I was living out near Millerville, I would’ve been way sketch out there compared to the twin cities. I imagine Bemidji would be nice too. I’m glad you have a safe area to be you!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Get proper training fam. CCW can go very wrong if you don't know what you're doing. It would awful to end up behind bars because of a basic mistake. Good luck and stay safe.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Thank you for looking out 🙏

I’m a huge advocate for training, and while currently Florida doesn’t require it, I have been through training in the past.

I picked up some cheaper range ammo in bulk to start getting in more regular time at a range in my area, as well as some self defense round for training and to maintain carry levels.

I think I have everything well handled, but if you have anything else to add, I’m appreciative, and you never know when someone else might need the info.

Thank you for advocating responsible ccw 💕

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You were drinking while you were carrying?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Maybe it’s cultural, but having 2 drinks over a couple of hours is hardly considered drinking.

People in my area regularly take in more pain pill’s than that and drive while ccw even though technically they aren’t supposed to do any of That.

I live in central Florida for reference.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Well that's illegal. But you shouldn't be drinking at all while carrying.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

It's not Illegal at all in my state, I am a perfectly law abiding citizen.

It is unlawful and punishable as provided in s. 790.151 for any person who is under the influence of alcoholic beverages or controlled substances, when affected to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired, to use a firearm in this state.

I wasn't demonstrably beyond my normal faculties, or legally intoxicated.

Again, I appreciate everyone being good advocates for responsible CCW. Thank you, but my original post basically opened with I am versed with this, understand my rights and responsibilities, and I am not a newbie to CCW in general.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I did read incorrect info when I said that it's illegal. You're right it's not as long as you're below .05%. But frankly that's an absolutely absurd law. I have 0 problem with concealed carry in bars or really anywhere. But to carry while drinking any amount of alcohol is absolutely inappropriate

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

oh, and to add, it's only automatically illegal if you hit .1% BAC, if you are 0.09% BAC (one over for driving) but are otherwise appearing sober it's perfectly legal.

Way too high for my tastes, too

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I don't disagree with you. It honestly is with a heavy heart that I find myself feeling the need to carry because of such shitty people. In general I am a massive fan of gun reform, but as it is, the game, with the rules as they are, I can't allow myself to be that disadvantaged. Mr Hicksville was way more drunk than that, and I guarantee he was armed, and the police WILL look the other way if he gets even more drunk and decides he thinks I followed his eye candy into the bathroom, even if I didn't at all, and she was elsewhere on the property.

I wish we weren't here at all and that I could just be a person that deserved respect for my humanity as a base level, but we aren't there.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

@NoStressyJessie That sounds a whole lot like "I know what the rules are, but I'm ignoring them anyway, because I feel justified". That's not how laws work.

The best way to use a gun is to avoid using it. Don't put yourself in a situation where you feel like you're in danger. That means you probably shouldn't get dinner at the shitty bar that over-serves armed racists. If it's as bad as you're indicating; get the fuck out of there (and report the incident to their management... on the phone, later).

@Thcdenton @Fal

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

You wanna help me leave the state? Everywhere I’ve reached out to doesn’t accept me because technically I’m “protected“ by discrimination laws, but if you want to help my family and I move to a more hospitable environment, we’d be appreciative.

Edit: you know what, fuck all this victim blaming bullshit. I can't even go to Disney Springs without being picketed and called a groomer by literal Nazi's, do you think fucking Disney is unaware of the loud vocal nazis and refusing to do anything about it? These motherfuckers get to terrorize me and my family regardless sanctioned by the police because next to the Nazi flag is a DeSantis one and "Freeze Peach".

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

@NoStressyJessie

A gun is not a shield. If you carry one to protect yourself, you have to remember that the only viable method is to shoot to stop someone before they kill you. There's no good version of that.

They don't "get" to terrorize you anymore than you "get" to shoot them. You make it sound like either of these are actively condoned (maybe within the group of assholes, but that can't be 100% of your local population, even in Florida). Patronize business/locales that don't take that shit laying down (and when they do, raise hell with management/corporate/whoever).

As for moving somewhere else? Don't. Stick sound, find like minded people, form a large group, volunteer for the campaign of a better candidate, and help kick that shit stain out of office. He's already fucking up six ways from Sunday, even another Republican (a real one) would be better.

In the meantime, hang out in large groups to out-populate the dickheads at the bar. Go out of your way to make it a place they don't want to be, and let THEM find somewhere else to go. Fuck em.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

It's 100% illegal to concealed carry in a bar in Florida. You should be in jail.

(12)(a) A license issued under this section does not authorize any person to openly carry a handgun or carry a concealed weapon or firearm into: 12. Any portion of an establishment licensed to dispense alcoholic beverages for consumption on the premises, which portion of the establishment is primarily devoted to such purpose;

https://www.flsenate.gov/Laws/Statutes/2021/790.06

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Someone should do something about that then. I'm not the only person to go into an applebees with a gun in my area... Ya'll need to get real.

Edit to add, restaurants that have bars are not considered bars in Florida, it is illegal to sit at the bar, not anywhere else in the property of a place that sells food and alcohol. If they didn’t sell food I couldn’t even go to the property.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

It's wild out there. I'm sorry you feel unsafe in your area and that you had to deal with vocal aggressive harassment. Transphobes are unbelievable. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I no longer have to deal with harassment like that. My thoughts are with everyone who has to consider their safety to exist in public every day. And I hope your mother comes around. It sounds like there may be some hope there. Just remember that your wants and your needs always matter. And that you shouldn't have to feel like compromising about your identity is necessary to have healthy relationships. You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don't lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

In the future, I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least. Content warnings might be a good idea, too. I am not personally uncomfortable or bothered by firearms, nor am I opposed to vulnerable people carrying them for their own safety. I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it's okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren't comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There's lots of reasons someone might not be. I thought quite a bit about it and am interested to hear other people's opinions too, if they would offer them. For now I think I'll add some examples of what "NSFW" constitutes on the community rules sections.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don’t lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

Thank you for the sage reminder

I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least

I went ahead and NSFW-ified the picture.

I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it’s okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren’t comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There’s lots of reasons someone might not be.

I appreciate this, and didn't think about the victims of gun violence when I posted that, thank you for adding perspective to WHY instead of just smacking me down.

Thank you for popping in, sorry if I created a situation unwittingly that made anyone uncomfortable.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

@NoStressyJessie Did I miss something? What prompted you to start carrying a firearm? Some loudmouth asshole who didn't do anything but talk? Was it in a previous post?

Also, don't carry and drink. Never mind being a dumb idea in general, it can get you in a lot of trouble if you ever have to actually use it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I first started carrying over a decade ago when I turned 21. I grew up around firearms, my family carries, I like them, and I’m a huge buff for sovereignty and self reliance.

Some loudmouth asshole who didn’t do anything but talk?

You don’t know shit about fuck, I live in a suburb of Orlando, I have experienced more than my fair share of exactly what these ’men’ think of me, I am at the hospital near pulse night club at least twice a month.

Where were the interrogations when I was a dude-bro? Where were the people trying to get me to justify why I’d bother to exercise my rights then?

It’s very suspect that nothing has changed except the way other people see me, and suddenly I’m subject to all this scrutiny about the laws and where I fit into them, and insisting and linking to the laws does nothing to assuage y’all’s fears.

Thanks for the gender affirmation though 💕

[–] Aracnid 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I don't get these dipshits' reasoning. If anyone has a need to be carrying, it's queer folk.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

Thanks for the support, I was expecting maybe a question and a caution, but I wasn't expecting to have to justify my qualification and legal standing like I'm representing myself in court, ridiculous. I was a fat gross gamer guy and nobody batted an eye with WAYYY more reckless behaviour than that. People hoop and holler and applaud if you have a drink next to you while you blow up tannerite but god forbid you want to ccw while trans and try to have an ounce of human connection for the first time in months at a place where they know you, know you ccw, know you are responsible, and know your character, no "STRAIGHT TO JAIL CRIMINAL" 🙄.

[–] BellyPurpledGerbil 5 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I only carry pepper spray, sometimes. I have not ever been physically harassed knock on wood. Threats are just threats. If someone was going to hurt me they would have done it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I have been sexually and physically harassed multiple times in my life.

Threats of violence and sexual violence have been common occurrences in my life.

I’m glad you haven’t had to experience that.

[–] BellyPurpledGerbil 1 points 11 months ago

I've been threatened. Nobody's done shit to back it up. I'd call that lucky, except that most people don't experience those things either. It's the other way around, I'm sorry you've had the misfortune.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

I'm sorry you feel so unsafe you feel the need to carry a weapon. I'm thankful enough that the only transphobia I've encountered is from my family, and maybe mild transphobia (intentional misgendering) from some customers and a manager.

My mom wanted to bring my grandmother over the other day to "play board games," but it felt weird. I declined, she wanted to talk, I felt like nothing has changed.

She makes me feel emotionally unsafe, I realized. With her difficulty accepting my children for years, and now me, it is making it very difficult for me to want to try to repair our relationship. Her husband has banned me from her house, cuz I said her actions were that of a bad parent and person.

All this word vomit/salad to say, I relate. At least to difficulties from your family. All I can say, is I think my mom and yours would probably be fast friends.

Take a break from them if you need to, clear your head. I'm happy for you that your at-home family has been so supportive! Good luck.