this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
21 points (83.9% liked)

Asklemmy

43970 readers
644 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
top 23 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Item in grocery store doesn't scan.

That means it's free!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Every time I hear this one I wanna break the product in half and walk away😭

[–] can 2 points 1 year ago

why do people say this?

I can only imagine they have the most repetitive, robotic lives.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Working hard or hardly working?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Are ya a smart fella, of a fart smella?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

More of a fart fella

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What.... I like that one. Sorry.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Just make sure you find and stick close to the other people at your job who think it's funny.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

"Watching porn at work, so both."

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Three moles were digging a tunnel. One of the moles farts. The next mole says, "smells like rutabagas". The next mole says, "smells like carrots".

After a long pause, the first mole turns to the last mole that has not spoken yet and asks what they smell.

The last mole says "molasses" and gets back to digging.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I read this joke when I was maybe 13 and I never understood it. More than a decade later I was randomly driving around and I remembered this joke and got it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I have been unfortunate enough to hear various racist and/or homophobic jokes over the years, so probably one of them

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

To a colleague arriving 10 mins late: "Afternoon."

To a colleague arriving 10 mins early: "Shat the bed?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I feel like if I shat the bed, I'd be late instead of early.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Agreed πŸ’―, this is not amusing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

As someone who works the later shifts, it took me a while to figure out what was wrong with "afternoon". It's been so long since someone has said good morning to me at work

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Maybe just because we don't understand it, but the ancient Sumerian bar joke:

A dog entered into a tavern and said, 'I cannot see anything. I shall open this one.'

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The "I have a [topic] joke, but [topical reason why it wouldn't land or you wouldn't get it]" template

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

All of those trite reddit-tier quips that people repeat like they're filling out a template. Like

Person 1: such and such thing is shit

Person 2: that's an insult to shit!

I gotta figure they don't even find it funny themselves but just do it out of obligation. Hopefully now that AI is replacing all the commenters the conversation will become less robotic.

Some chowder head in the 80s said "you've never seen me and batman in the same room at the same time" and now we're all paying for it. "I'd call them a removed but at least those have warmth and depth"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I also choose this guy's overused jokes.

[–] Scheisser 2 points 1 year ago

A man went to a shop and they had a shovel.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It's a toss-up between Elon Musk and people saying "WHAT?!" when I tell them I'm hearing impaired.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

The β€œwe are not the same” meme. I understand the point, it’s just not funny. It’s cringey as hell.