this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2023
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Yep, so many "self help" books have such great advice like "No energy? Have you tried going for a walk?". WITH WHAT ENERGY‽‽‽
Sadly a lot of this stuff is a snowball effect though. You just have to push through and do it, and over time it gets easier and easier. I know this is easier to say than it is to do but it's the sad reality. For some, meds may be what they need to give them that first initial strength to get the ball rolling, some may need support from friends or family or some may be able to just power through despite feeling shitty to do so. Keep fighting the fight! The wall will crumble eventually.
Great job being the sucky books. You completely nailed it and proved why this post exists by saying the same obnoxious things I've heard 5,000 times. I have an incurable chronic illness, that wall ain't crumbling anytime soon short of a major advance in medical science. If I'm too exhausted to get to the toilet without help, how am I supposed to push through that?? Oh wait, I've tried pushing through that, you wanna guess what happens? I pass out, fun times.
The sad reality is people like you making assumptions about why someone they do not know is struggling. You are telling me I need to do something that is physically impossible. So yeah, saying it is easier than doing it when it can't be done. I push through so much crap, an absurd amount of it, but when I hit my breaking point I stop. Pushing through has caused me more harm than good. And then people like you come along and tell me I "just have to push through". NO! I'm gonna stick to respecting my body enough to listen to what it's telling me.
I don't think self help books are for you
Sorry to impose my experiences on your own. It's true that it doesn't work for everyone, I'm sorry that you're not one of them. I hope you get the help you need however it is
(I've never read a self help book in my life - I was just using my own personal anecdotal experience to hopefully help others similar to myself)
I also have an incurable chronic illness (not as bad as what you’re dealing with, but could progress to that) and am 3-4 years into trying to fix my mental health and return to a normal life.
I took that previous post to be more relevant to mental illness than a physical inability to get through a normal-ish life.
Unfortunately, what I have learned is that many of the useless platitudes have a kernel of truth to them. You do have to want it, put in the work, and you may need therapy/medical help to get over the hump, but you also have to be realistic and find contentment in playing the cards you’re dealt. And when limited to playing the cards you’re dealt, there may be some humps you can’t get over, or issues you can’t push through yet (or ever).
It’s about accepting that this is the life you have, and even if it’s unfair and difficult, for your life to get better you have to do it within the confines that you’re given. Plus the way you internally react to your body, your mind, and the world around you is perhaps the most dominant factor in how happy or satisfying your life is.
I mean all this is in a very pragmatic sense, not in some hand-wavy spiritual way. Your potential paths through life may be severely restricted, but there is almost certainly a path that you will like better than the one you’re already on. However, the set of paths is unique to you, so you can’t necessarily do what worked for somebody else. You also don’t have an induction manual for yourself, so expect a lot of trial and error, a lot of learning about what makes you tick, and look for any positive incremental changes you can. Things will never be “fixed,” but they could very likely be a little bit better tomorrow if you just knew how to get there.
So much of it is learning about yourself and training yourself to think and process things in a way that benefits you.
A lot of the things that have stuck with me over the years have been aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), the Buddhist take on meditation (stepping back and observing yourself, your feelings, and especially your desires), and stoic philosophy (the world can do shit to me, but how it affects my life is largely up to how I react to it).
Again, thinking mostly of mental health here. None of this will fix your condition or mine, but it very likely can change their effect on your mental state.
Yeah, like I'm not that bad all the time, usually I'm pretty okay, and can live my life fairly normally, but when it gets bad it's BAD. And when that happens I can't push anything, physically or mentally, I just have to rest. I go for walks when I'm up to it, try to have some semblance of a routine, eat fairly healthy, get some exercise, hang out with friends, all that stuff. I'm actually doing way better than I was a few years ago. I still have a long way to go, but I've already come a long long way. I still end up in a slump quite often, but it's in general an upward trajectory. I count that as a victory. Not in the "I'm accepting that this is the end" way, but in the "hell yeah I came this far" way.
Right there with you! I remember saying multiple times in appointments that as long as my trajectory has a positive slope, I can’t be unhappy with my progress.
Yep, like at one point only needing my rescue med three times a week was an improvement. I can only take it three times a week, and would just have to suffer waiting till I could take more. Then it was two doses a week, and now at about 1.5. It's not good, but it's better. I'm not expecting miracles, I know it's incurable, but I'll still try for better.
Have you tried drinking 3 Charged Lemonades™ from Panera Bread©?
I tried that once. I died.
Seeing as I can't really have caffeine, no, I haven't.
I've had psychiatrists push this crap.
One even refused to write me a prescription and insisted I just needed to get outside more after listening to an hour-long recounting of how my ADHD makes self-care difficult to impossible.
I had a psychiatrist send me off with the helpful suggestion to start working out, I was a lifeguard and literally had to work out to keep my job. He also told me I couldn't have ADHD because I'd graduated high school, without checking if I actually had. Like I did, but he just assumed that. The kid who showed up twice a week and turned in work never also graduated. My school had an excellent graduation rate, just ignore all the people who graduated unable to read past a 5 year old level.
I'm still undiagnosed, though not for lack of trying. One doc wanted me to stop literally every medication I was on for like an entire month "to get a baseline", and when I refused he prescribed me something I couldn't take anyway, and I never went back. I'm chronically ill, that would literally land me in the hospital.
That's some awful gaslighting.
I have no idea how these people make it through 8-12 years of college without even getting their understanding of common diseases up to a wikipedia level.
Yeah, like it's terrifying that people can go through a decade of education and training and still not have a grasp on some of the basics of their field. I expect to have to explain my migraine because I have a pretty rare subtype (like I'm the first person my neurologist has treated), but I shouldn't have to explain why I can't take a medication that says on the pamphlet "DO NOT TAKE IF YOU HAVE [CONDITION I HAVE]". I'm not expecting every doctor to understand a neurological condition that affects less than 1 in 8,000 people, but I do expect them to accept that I do have it and not treat me like I'm being uncooperative for not being willing to risk a significant increase in risk of life threatening side effects.