this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2023
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Yep, this is likely what you're working on in therapy - the sadness and disappointment and maybe even depression that come after complaining and people do not support you or meet your needs. You were placed in a really unfair (ETA: and probably overwhelming and stressful) situation- raising yourself and your brother without people helping you. I'm sending you an electronic hug, Internet stranger.
I don’t have the full answer for you.
I will say that healing is not a switch to be flicked, but a process (often painstakingly long). And one of the first steps in that process is being very realistic with ourselves about what problems we have, how they are affecting us, and where they come from. In this sense, talking about them is very relevant.
That really sucks... wish you got the support you deserved/hope you get the support you need...
I don't know you as well as your therapist and it might sound kinda dumb, but have you tried anything like yoga? Even small things like passing a ball back and forth with someone can put you into your body and out of your mind, hopefully letting you relax a bit, which might help your mind on average be more calm.
It must have been very difficult.
Complaining could be a start? Maybe a better start world be to just do something that's risky. I don't know. There is no reason to live in pain like that.
Maybe change your therapist. Because it is possible to be happy, it is possible to go beyond yourself and get to experience what you want. It's possible. Are you afraid, or too ashamed to try to change.
At least try to find out why you are doing things you are doing.