starelfsc2

mm I mean it's hard to pin down specifics but that whole decade, most shows had the guy being an unbelievable idiot causing problems while the girls solved the problems, movies were the same, commercials were probably the last to follow. Maybe not exactly feminism, but the goal was to show women are as competent and sometimes moreso than men, which is a big tenant of feminism, even if it was done super poorly.

I'm not defending their use of feminism, but it seems like common media and messaging for basically two decades definitely did have quite a bit of "anti men pro woman" feeling. Regardless of the actual intent or "real" values of feminism, what many people received was "feminism believes men are stupid/hateful." I don't think it's a coincidence so many people think that's what feminism is. Likely just a failure of messaging, but I think that's where their definition is coming from.

I mean that's hard to say? This seems like it's just a result of people overcompensating and not realizing they don't have to say "boy dumb" in order to say "girl equal." It seems people agree this is what they heard from mainstream feminist messaging, regardless of whether it was "real" feminism or not

They never stated "all feminists," they said as a movement, feminism has had a lot of messaging that is anti men which was somewhat mainstream in the movement (commercials being played of girl smart boy dumb). I don't know how common it is but it has absolutely been a noticeable part of feminism intentionally or not.

Sure, but at the same time all of the worst comments I've seen have been from instances that were mainly linked to from reddit i.e. lemmy.world. Like, rage inducing misinformation. I prefer the much higher quality of discussions on lemmy which I would rarely see on reddit, but it is tiring seeing linux lotr star trek politics be 99.9% of the content / discussions...

I just wish there was an option for normal people to escape "we've added more bloatware and spyware in this mandatory update" without having a CS degree.

I find obsessing over bad choices in the past causes you to not even notice opportunities and good choices you could make in the present. "I should've done this" vs "how do I make my neighbor smile the next time I see them?" Which can lead to a new friendship and a new friend group and... But one is more scary because you don't "know" the result :<

Tl;dr. (jk)

I guess it's like, I know this post wasn't aimed at me but even still reading the words "men love to murder" I'm like "hey what? What did I do??"

I didn't comment on it because it doesn't bother me that much, but you're asking why people who are upset and angry make the conversation about them... I think there's your answer. They probably don't even fully understand why they're angry and just wrote what sounded good to them. I'd wager the majority of guys on lemmy are not neurotypical and already experience people treating them poorly, or thought they were scary because they're weird, and now they're being grouped with dangerous people. I know that's not what the post meant, but again it's the overweight person being sensitive, they're not choosing to get upset over it that's just how they reacted.

semi-related, there is a psychiatrist who made a youtube channel called healthygamergg where he would talk about psychology topics and set up coaching for people to improve their lives. I'm in to psychology so I watched quite a few of his videos, but to the point his community had said "you need to address how women are treated in gaming." (obviously terribly)

So he made a video talking about how women had it hard and that you can't exist as a woman in a game without being heckled. 100% on board. Then he said "like, women have it so much harder, you guys are living on easy mode." and I haven't watched a video of his since if was so hurtful. I know that's not what he meant, I know he just meant women have a lot of unique struggles men don't have etc, but to hear the stuff me and my friends went through being called easy mode was... really hurtful. Point being sometimes people have sore spots, and even if they should read it one way, I can't blame them for reading it another.

I think for me I'm kinda resigned that they will never change their mind because it's so ingrained in them at this point, especially since every conservative I know perfectly mirrors the current fox news talking points. I guess i point things out to them because I'm talking to them as if it's a friend, but it's more like dealing with a cult member, which is really disappointing to me.

"It can't be as bad as they say it will"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollyanna_principle

I mean sure, what you said is true, but you can't deny that when given a choice they consistently choose comfort over doing the right thing. It's the same reason people will say "I really should be vegan" and keep eating meat. While that's the normal human thing to do, I can still call them out for doing the wrong thing because it's easy. They also had many many opportunities to turn away from the propaganda when it started to become more insane, but they remained because it was comforting and change would be too difficult.

I'm saying it's fine that you aren't bothered by it, but some people really are, and hate being compared to dangerous people and are sensitive about it, and will react badly to it. The way you respond is valid and the way they respond is valid, if a bit on edge. I can't really explain it past that, it's like someone is sensitive about their weight and you say "those clothes fill you out nicely," and they get mad at you, when that's not what you meant. It's not your fault for saying it, it's just knowing there are a lot of people who are sensitive about being called dangerous, we might want to take that into account.

I actually didn't know what you meant, because I've met and read of many people who were suicidal due to emotional abuse, or live the rest of their lives feeling unsafe and distressed, so it seemed a valid comparison. I don't think they would agree being killed would be worse than what they went through/the effects it had on them. Obviously this isn't ALL cases, but that's why it seemed a valid comparison to me.

I think about this sometimes, but you have 2 sides that are emotionally hurt and defensive. A woman out of an abusive relationship will say "all men are evil" and the men who are sensitive to that will get mad thinking they're responding to a statement, not emotions. Now the man is likely to respond with emotions too, like "how could you say that about ME!"

I'm not blaming the woman in that state, or even the man for responding that way. Some people are on edge, and saying "men" to them means "including me" and now they have to defend themselves from the attack. If you don't know why they would be so on edge, I would wager it's because popular media (or even people in their own lives!) usually insinuates or outright says "men are idiots, men aren't emotional, men are dangerous, men aren't bothered by anything." If you are the opposite of that, you're going to be upset. This is also true for women. I'm just saying this is why people might be on edge.

Side note: I saw a comment saying "women lose all interest as soon as you open up emotionally" and about 1/2 the replies to them were saying "maybe the really bad women do this, but this is an incel talking point." It's not just men who are bothered by being grouped like that.

whenever I ask clarifying questions the most common responses are them being uncomfortable and trying to change the subject or getting angry. It's like telling someone their favorite restaurant supports something they hate, most people just don't wanna hear it. I just didn't realize that extended to breaking values they've held their whole life.

I don't even want an I told you so, just them to say "this thing that Trump did was bad" even if they still support him after. It's like he's their little angel who can do nothing wrong, but if he did do something wrong well he had to or it's not that bad or... I just hate that they can see people getting hurt that they've tried to help their whole life, but now it's "a necessary evil" because their mascot did it...