this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2023
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Where exactly am I supposed to meet people, the grocery store? I could go to bars but I don't drink. People always say to join groups or meet people through hobbies but all of my hobbies are complete sausage fests. Dating people you work with is usually a bad idea but that doesn't matter anyways because almost all of the people I work with are men. People say just meet more friends but I already have more friends than I can keep up with. Actually most of those friends are even women. But none of them are around my age, single, and interested in dating me.
I'm starting to become convinced that single women who are my age don't actually exist. I'm not sure what bank vault the government is keeping them locked up in but it certainly isn't anywhere I go. The dating app minefield is the only place I've even been able to find women who are around my age. Like I legitimately don't know where they all go. It's baffling. They just don't seem to exist anywhere outside of dating apps.
I'm not trying to discount any of your feelings or experiences, I went through this same thing for years until I met my current (and first) gf; for context I was 28 when we started going out.
I hated hearing it when I was in your situation but it's always been true for me, work on yourself and keep yourself open and things will eventually happen. I gave up trying to find a girlfriend when I was 27 after years of striking out irl and on dating apps and decided to focus on myself. I was starting a graduate program and got a cool public art opportunity through my city so I just put all my energy into that which helped me focus less on tinder and my lack of sex (kinda) . One day this girl I worked with dumped her loser boyfriend and after several failed attempts to ask her out (I'm bad at putting things down, she's bad at picking things up) i finally had a date. Four years later and she's begging me for a ring.
Life is tough and even harder when you don't have someone to experience it with. Again, I don't know your situation and I don't want to just be another asshole saying things will get better cause I fucking hate those people when I was sad and lonely, but I genuinely do believe good things come to those who wait. Keep yourself open to new experiences and listen to your gut if it's telling you to take a chance.
Or tell me to stfu, that's cool too I get it and won't be upset.
That's actually kinda reassuring to hear because I'm 27 and I have already given up on dating for a while so hopefully I'm just following in your footsteps. Also to your sex point that one isn't my issue because sex isn't something I care much about anyways (ace spectrum). It would just be nice to have someone to do stuff with.
But like I said dating hasn't been a real focus of mine for a few years now anyways. I just get reminded of it when I see threads like this.
Glad I could offer a bit of reassurance man, all the best going forward.
My parents met in their early forties, both years after first divorcing. You have a lot of time, if you just want someone to spend your later years with. Depends on what you want out of a relationship.
I mean, probably dont want to hear this but if all of your hobbies are complete sausage fests but you want to meet women organically you should try out some hobbies that women are more likely to do. Dancing classes, cooking classes, improv comedy groups, yoga, certain adult sports leagues etc. Once you have a few women friends it becomes much easier to meet more and most women would love to set up their friemds if they think you're cool.
I mean that's fair. But I don't enjoy any of those things. Joining a woman dominated group that I don't actually want to be in just so I can talk to the women there just feels like it would make me a bit of a creep.
It probably didn't come across in my first message but I'm fine continuing to do my thing and just not date anyone. I was just pointing out that the advice "just go meet people" isn't really helpful.
Do you dislike doing them, or do you not know and just think you wont like them? I'm asking because I've been in the latter experience more times than I can count and ended up liking what I was doing. If you can find something that doesn't sound awful and you're willing to put in a bit of effort into learning/meshing with the activity, you won't come off like a creep who's only there to meet women.
You never know what you're going to like.
Plus someone has to do it, and they want to find someone just as much as you do.
I don't want to sound critical, but it seems as if you are trying to fish from the same spots you've never had any luck with.
I believe when people say to meet people through hobbies, they're typically meaning new hobbies. If you aren't finding any suitable partners within your horizons, looking more often probably isn't going to help. That's a sign that it's probably time to expand your horizons, do things you haven't before, try something you don't have an interest in, be uncomfortable, change your environment.
The world isn't hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.
Psh, I ain't hiding from women, I'm hiding from everyone
This might be a wild idea but how do you feel about asking you friends, male and female, if they know of any single women and for them to set you up on some dates? A few are bound to know someone and something might come out of it (at the very least an amusing anecdote).