Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lowkey_always on 2023-09-20 16:56:01+00:00.

For background I have been involved with a girl for three years and I did the unthinkable and broke her trust really badly. (No I didn’t cheat) I have been trying for months to show her I am not my worst decision and I do in fact love her and honour her and want to be with her. She is the type of person who finds it hard to confess her emotions and feelings normally (she’s slightly on the spectrum) which is made even harder when she feels hurt.

We’ve had many conversations about the situation and it’s become very draining for both her and for me. She wants to see consistency and devotion which I have no problems doing but how do you do this when she also doesn’t want to talk to me? She spends a lot of the time telling me to go and pushing me away but I know this is her defence mechanism kicking in as we also have spoke about this in the past. Every so often I see glimpses of the old us and I know that she loves me but the trust and foundation is shattered at the moment.

This is the part that gets sticky… She’s now met someone and because of the mess up I made I have to respect her boundaries and allow her to get to know someone even though it cuts me up inside. She’s asked me to allow her time to explore other options but in the meantime expects me to still show her I’m loyal to her and only her otherwise she’ll no longer be interested.

I don’t know if I’m being loyal or stupid because I feel mighty dumb but I was also dumb for lying to her. She keeps telling me to focus on what I need to be doing to win her back but every time I’m not talking to her I picture her talking to them instead which sends me in a panic and back to the draining conversations we both hate.

I’d like to believe she’s not vindictive but I can’t help but feel like she’s playing with me seeing how much I will take before I throw in the towel but even then I don’t know if it’s a test or her genuinely being not so kind to me… I need advice do I keep showing her I’m serious and I’m sorry or do I let her go and keep somewhat of my fractured dignity?

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m being silly by waiting and trying when she met someone else but on the flip side I am the one who did something wrong and deserve to be feeling at least a little uncertain right?