Asklemmy

It's a silly story, and a self-centered one.

Went from "I'm scared to open my PC" to knowing from how to mount one entirely from stratch in 4 days purely because my desktop didn't boot after I made several changes to it. In each of these 4 days I woke up with joy, because I would learn something new even if I was failing miserably and my hands were covered in a dozen tiny cuts from the sharp metallic frame. Risked bricking my BIOS, rushed for stores to get a battery and a beeper before they closed up until Monday, a real adventure.

As an almost-failed CS student who gaslighted myself in "I'm not good with the subject and I don't like it", it was pretty ecstatic to see not only I grasped the concepts with ease, but I also had an underlying love for it without the pressure of the rigid academic system. I very casually was reading things I wouldn't have guessed I could understand before the entire process started. In the classroom, even something like the order of boot was seen as difficult. On my house, I self-taught myself that in 2 minutes just by reading the fucking fluxogram in Wikipedia.

It is rather minor, and not heroic like most, but it was a rather hard switch between "I'm doomed to be a closeted hikikomori living with my narcissistic family until I give up and kill myself or go live in the street" and "there is hope, there is something I like doing, there is something I'm good at, my father was wrong, the incel bullies who scared me were wrong, I should stop carrying the burdens of bitter losers who raped my brilliance in order to feed their ego"