this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)

So I'm your husband and my wife is you. I can tell you the reason I do it is that it can be difficult for me to necessarily formulate exactly what I want to say about what I want to show you. I want to share whatever experience it is, but trying to explain exactly why stresses me out.

On the flip side my wife will just tell me what she saw after the fact and I'm left there thinking "...why didn't you tell me to come look."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

My problem is with ADHD. Sometimes, I can explain perfectly.

Other times, the words are there, but the brain is processing too much; too fast. So 'come here' or 'look at this' is the best I can muster.

I know the words and phrases to describe it, but it's clogged up. So my brain reverts to: Why many word?

Sounds like the only solution is to go slow the other person what your talking about, if able.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I sorry, in what world should
"Hey, come look, theres a funny picture I want to show you.",
"I'm going to need your help in the garden for the next 2 hours.",
"I think the sink is clogged, the water doesn't go down."
be communicated in the same way, by saying "come here"?

Lacking communication skills are absolutely no excuse. If you can't exite someone and still give them information then work on your delivery, watch some stand up or read novels, there are enough examples how to build tension with plain sight. Communication is the most important aspect in life, and you can't improve yourself for your loved one, getoutahere.