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How is it obnoxious to say "hey. Come here"?
Because she's not a dog, and he doesn't get to issue commands to her.
Even if it was "Hey, can I show you something?" that would be a bit better - it's asking for her attention and presence rather than demanding it.
She still has the right to say "no".
People have a tendency to “want to be nice”. If it’s not too demanding, we usually follow requests. You may be different (I say this without judgement), but most people don’t like to not follow request. Hence the “come here” feels like an order, even though, on the surface it isn’t.
On the surface it is an order. He's using imperative sentence construction with no "please can you" and no question mark.
This is exactly how commands/orders are expressed in English.
"Do this" "Come here" " Go there" "Sit Down" "Give me 20 press ups".
because we have an unreliable narrator. that is no smudge on the OP, just a frustration with some of this
I’ve actually been completely transparent and honest. He and I have talked about it many times. I guess I’m here to hear other perspectives so that maybe I can verbalize the situation better in a way he can understand. He doesn’t know why he does it and I have a hard time been putting into words why it’s so bothersome to me. And if you don’t have a cohesive point, do you really have a point? And with no point there is theoretically no problem.