this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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Damn now I gotta try Elden Ring. I've been looking for this type of game for so long
If you get into it, here are some beginner tips:
Make sure you pick the Drizzled Orphan starting class; best Affinity scaling with Shame and Gape. Immediately sprint past the Tutorial Daddy (DO NOT ENGAGE unless you’ve already triggered your First Estrus) and head straight to the Clamhole Chancel.
There, farm the Moaning Carcass Choir for Lint-Slicked Medallions; equip three to unlock the passive “Lubricated Grace” (grants invincibility frames while edging). Be careful not to trigger the Public Use Covenant too early or you’ll softlock yourself in the Infinite Queueing Chamber with 12 other players trying to cross-milk the same Blessed Glorbkin.
Also, always kneel at the Shrine of Spite before fast-traveling. Doing so guarantees a 3% chance that your next death will cause spontaneous Lactateburst, spraying hostile enemies with Shame Goo and resetting their Lust Thresholds.
Oh, and DON’T consume the Wriggling Ambrosia unless you’re okay being locked into the Oviposition Route and getting railed in every cutscene. Trust me, I learned that the hard way… twice.
About 6 hours in, you should be fully enrolled in the College of Kinked Sorceries and ready to cast Cumvocation of Eldritch Daddy.
Good luck, and remember: don’t spec into dignity, it’s a trap stat.