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The transness is the big key. They are okay with women in men’s restrooms as long as they are women, but a trans man attempting to use a men’s restroom is a boundary violation - because it’s part of that man’s statement that he is trans.
It’s a deep insecurity - they live in worlds that are set in stone, and recognizing that human variation is infinitely more complicated than the boxes we try to shove people in is terrifying.