this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
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There are definitely a few (almost certainly a vocal minority) women who do say that - to never approach a woman under any circumstances. They're the extreme ones, for sure, but we can't ignore that they exist. Not in an age where everyone has a platform and the extreme positions get clicks.
Another example is the explosion of the manosphere shit. You get one dbag like Tate spreading shit that looks like self help for men. They get popular based on these ideas that seem okay on the surface, but they're really just manipulative, shady, outright illegal, etc. but because they're extreme views, that promise results, and that the target audience really wants to hear, now you can't go anywhere without seeing red/blue pill shit.
Circling back, all it takes is a few people saying and repeating "no approaching women in public EVER" and it spreads. Frustrated women repeat it (not even being literal), more men and women see it, engage with it because it's polarizing, and it grows. It's absolutely not hard to imagine that a lot of men truly believe that most women don't want to be approached ever.
I totally get that, but I just feel we have to do our part to stop pushing that narrative or at least explain it. It's not like men are stupid by default and can't be trusted in the public. It should have been an "FYI" mind of thing, instead of a decree.
Correct, men are not stupid by default. And yet there is still a very vocal subset of the population that shouts that at every opportunity.
It rarely matters what is actually true. We don't form our opinions of ourselves based on any objective truth. We form them based on what behaviors get reinforced and what behaviors get punished. Regardless of the truth, if the most prominent messaging coming in is "you're bad just because you were born a male" then you'll start to believe it.
I get the feeling that the best interpretation of your message is that you're denying that statement, the "all men are bad" statement. And that's a good thing. We need more people saying "not all men are bad" - but we have to do it in a way that acknowledges why people feel that way. It does no good to say "no one is saying don't approach people ever" when at least a few very loud, very aggressive voices ARE saying that, enough to drown out the majority population with reasonable intentions.
Have absolutely heard this verbatim from women in my group chats. Sometimes it's nice to not be considered a guy because I present v femme, but when the dogpiling starts and I kinda just have to hold my tongue it really sucks to see my friends look at all men as wild beasts.
I told this story on here before, but it's relevant.
One day, I was walking around my city with a couple of friends, another guy (M) and a girl (J). We worked together for a while, all generally got along well, killing some time before J had a tattoo appointment. As we're walking around, we find some stickers covering a light pole, including a pretty new "Yes, all men" sticker. J takes a photo of it and starts posting it on Instagram.
Cue a pretty in-depth discussion. I was pretty hurt. Here I was, hanging with a woman who was actively spreading the very narrative we're talking about now. Fortunately, I don't tend to keep company with people I can't chat with about important topics, so I was able to actually explain why, while I get the actual intent of the message, the relevance in the current climate, but also why it's very damaging to everyone in society.
I think about that event a fair bit. It's emblematic of how polarizing the discussions have to be to gain momentum. It has to be all or nothing, or you don't get to build the message. It's in every aspect of life now. Dating, Politics, religion, online discourse... If you're not at the extreme end, buy in fully, then you're at best ignorant and at worst a false flag.