this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
1395 points (98.4% liked)
Programmer Humor
22872 readers
778 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Anything in my house smarter than the IKEA remote control light switch gets crushed with a hammer.
I mean, you could just use smarter stuff that's open source and has local API, or do what I do and build your own devices where you can ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Even there though, what is the actual point of a phone app controlled smart toilet, even if you open sourced the whole thing? Unlocking one's phone and tapping the app icon, and then presumably a button on the app, is going to take more time than one press of a lever that one is right next to anyway, and the latter doesn't present as many points of failure.
Well if you read the product description it was to allow AI Bidet control. However they had not received funding for AI so it was outsourced to a team of laborers in India using cameras and joysticks.
It also logged the consistency, frequency and matter samples from all BMs so you could make informed dedication opinions.
Spoiler
/sHmmmmm
Damn was supposed to be defecation autocorrect got me.
Oooohhhhh, that makes sense.
I heard they sold a license for the camera feed and controls access to EA for their next pay-to-play iOS game. The shareholders are really excited for this synergy.
I have no interest in one, but playing devil's advocate, some might consider it more sanitary since you don't have to touch the toilet to flush and have the choice of not being near it, hopefully avoiding any spray.
Also, if your guests use the restroom, you can startle them at any time.
How do the guests flush the toilet without the app? They have to ask you?
That occurred to me while writing my comment, as well, and I don't like the implications.
I would imagine they have to ask you, yes. If the toilet can be flushed without authentication, they'd probably still have to ask you how.
Of course. My roof, my water, my rules! /s
Foot pedal flush really needs to become a thing.
Yeah, wouldn't want to get bacteria on your hands a few seconds before washing your hands.
The privacy issues are nasty, but a smart toilet could actually be an incredibly useful device.
Can you imagine if every time you went to the bathroom, your toilet could do some of the basic stool / urine tests you get at the doctor's office? Certain diseases could be caught extremely early, and you wouldn't have to do anything different.
And then there are bidet functions. Forget smearing poop all over your ass with paper, wash the poop off with nice warm water every time.
I wouldn't want to have to use a smartphone app for that, but there's no reason you couldn't have a simple set of buttons on the toilet itself. You could keep the manual flush lever and only use that if you preferred, but if you wanted an even better experience and a better clean, that option would be available.
Stuff like openWRT routers get a pass.
If it has a local host API I would use it because it never has to connect to the internet.
People also just need to be more selective about where and how they automate.
For example, I wanted my coffee to automatically start in the morning. So instead of buying a "smart" coffee maker, I bought the dumbest possible one and a smart switch. Now, no matter what happens with that switch, the worst that can happen is I have to manually hit a button to get coffee.
Yes, I don't hate the idea of smart-ish devices, if they're not cloud-dependent in any way and have some kind of manual override.
It's kind of painful to have a kitchen full of devices each implementing their own half-assed OSs separately, or even more than once in one device.
I have a wifi-enabled garage door opener whose manufacturer discontinued the Google Home connection for so that you have to use their app and see their Amazon or Walmart ads. I also have a wifi-enabled alarm system whose manufacturer apparently doesn't care about Matter integration or whatever. So leaving the house in my car requires the use of two different apps (three if I also need to turn off lights).
In actuality I just use the physical buttons. But there was a time that I had a beautiful dream of getting a smart lock and setting my house up to lock the doors, close the garage door, and arm the alarm when I pushed a button in the car--and, more importantly, undo all of those things in reverse when I got home.
with Home Assistant it doesn't matter if your device adds a Google Home connection, Alexa, Apple Home, etc. Exactly what 'smart homes' should be.
I need to get on that, I guess.
I wish I was this smart. We really want to do a smart light show using Xlights but every time I try to learn it I feel so frankly dumb.
You sent this message by manually sending radio messages, I presume?
No, it’s one of the few use cases of emacs.
How's your family doing?
They were bonked with a hammer until they were below the proper "smart" threshold.
Friends hate this one simple trick!
Have you tried our new Hammr and associated app? The smart tool that can analyze your work! Become more efficient! Compete with friends! Earn achievements! Track your heart rate! Now with several different modes...
Is that the new ifixit one?
Can you play DOOM on the light switch?
Reminder: never go have pancakes at wise_pancake's house.
You’ll miss out on some primo maple syrup
This has the same energy as buying But Light to shoot.