cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/5401622
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The original was posted on /r/mildlyinteresting by /u/miyog on 2025-03-14 16:02:13+00:00.
this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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Mildly Interesting
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90 days, wow!
Yeah, at no point in my dating life did I ever continue seeking relations past week three. If we’re not fucking by week three, we’re just not fucking.
It doesn't say no fucking, just don't spend the whole night.
For me, that is even weirder to be honest.
If they can’t stand you in the morning, it wasn’t real anyway. It was all about the cookie.
Maybe it's not you, they just don't like sleeping in cookie crumbs.
Ah, the Sexless Innkeeper
Yall weird as hell. Ever heard of taking it slow?
Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.
You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.
Likewise, third date and all. Married twenty years now, no signs of stopping. To each their own, but i agree, it always seemed weird to me to wait on something so central to a relationship
Also I never understood "take it slow". What's slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?
Then there's the "you should be single for a bit". Okay I've been single for 5 months, but then "no I've been single for two years". You mean I'm not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I'm supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I've missed so many good eggs that way.
I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”
Same. I like physical intimacy, and if they don’t, we’re not compatible.
My wife and I slept together after our first date. We knew each other for only a couple of weeks prior to that. I would have been fine waiting another couple or so, but if she had been hesitant about sex after that, then I would have probably talked to her about our differences in sex drive - like adults should do. Mine is high, and I’m not going to be a good match for anyone who has a low sex drive.
100%
It also sets weird and potentially false expectations around sex as an event, which puts undue pressure on both parties, rather than something that simply happens as a natural course of a relationship evolving.
It's called "being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other's rhythm"
sheesh...