this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
270 points (96.9% liked)
The Onion
4431 readers
2956 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I didn't bite the onion on this one, but only because it's too TAME. Real life is much crazier than this.
If it were a realistic kind of crazy, he would have done the photo shoot in Florida with alligators, and lost a finger.
I think the JC Penney photos would actually work with swing voters. They just need a reason to not be ashamed to vote for him.
Maybe, but then the uber tough guy fascist sorts might say he's gone soft. Not that it would turn the to Harris but might stay home.
And his devotees would have cut off their own fingers in solidarity.
There's a picture of me as a kid holding a baby alligator. You can just tape their mouth shut, the jaw muscles to open their mouths are weak, it's closing their mouth that can crunch bone. I'm not sure the gators like it much though, lol.
On a tangentially related note, check out Gatorland if you're ever in Orlando. It's a fun time and one of the few remaining old Florida tourist attractions and a perennial field trip destination for the local school kids, that's why I've been there several times.
It would have been Hugo Boss.