this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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I have parents that love me to bits, but their strategy to get me to do my homework was... adversarial? It felt like they were checking my performance, just like the teachers were. It didn't feel like they were on my side, even though I'm sure they were.
Getting told off even gently felt like an unbearable punishment for some reason. I read something recently about adhd folks being more sensitive to negative interactions?
And that's how I became a pathological liar and master of masking!
Check out Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It's a common side effect of ADHD.
that's the one. As a kid I never understood why punishments even exist. People being mad at me was already unbearable torture
Aw crap, it reads like a character sheet... Guess I'm binging this now.
Problem is that the approach "MUST do NOW, until it is DONE!" doesn't work for many of us. I developed methods for myself, which I try to apply to my own child now, like: "When you get home from school, lay out everything you need to work, then relax. At time X, do 15 minutes on a timer, as far as you get."
He still moans and groans about it, and it's hard for me to tell if my "soft push" feels to him like the "hard push" I got. It's all relative, and nobody else can tell.
The trauma of dad trying his best with 6th grade math homework he can't actually do...
Don't be too hard on your dad. When I went for my first ADHD test I had to do some math. I'm 41 years old and I realized with a shock that I've forgotten completely how to do long division. I think that's 6th grade stuff.
A lot of parents don't know better. This is what they grew up with.