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I'd argue there's a very pleasant and even artistically beautiful side to the bdsm community. The problem is that, like any niche subculture, the ones that tell you about it are unbearable and the bearable ones aren't out here showing off.
I think the people into that scene really need therapy. It's like passive self injurious behaviour.
Someone on Reddit once talked about working on porn sets, and said that the actresses all had this vacant quality. I think when you make your sex life about being a violent commodity rather than simple human intimacy and mutual pleasure that it's unhealthy. Also some women have been murdered in the scene, and I think it hides sociopathic people fairly well.